15 Devices From Your Nightmares Masquerading As "Beauty Products"
We'll stick to coconut oil, thaaanks.
3. Surgery-Free Nose Job Clip ($6.96):
Chrissy: Greg, stop stealing my chip clips goddamn it.
Kristin: Here's how you get a surgery-free nose job!
Step 1: Clip it on your nose
Step 2: Suffocate
Step 3: You don't need a nose job anymore
6. Light Energy Pulsation Wrinkle-Reducer Mask ($103.33):
Kristin: This product literally comes with a VHS INSTRUCTION TAPE, so presumably you have to give it to someone else before 7 days is up or else you die.
Chrissy: *prays there's no Amazon review from a dude named Michael Myers*
9. Jawline-Enhancing Facial Weights ($29.99):
Kristin: The point of this is to reduce your double chin by...doing some lifts with face weights? I feel like that's like getting thicker hair by enrolling your hair in CrossFit.
Chrissy: Holy shit, is this model being held hostage? IS THIS A CRY FOR HELP?
10. Breast Enhancer Massager ($5.79):
Kristin: How exactly does this make your boobs bigger? By plowing them so that you can plant more boob seeds or something?
Chrissy: Hot tip: If massaging your boobs made them bigger, the entire planet would have DDDs by now.
11. Arm Slimming Shaper ($3.47):
Chrissy: The logic that wearing a random-ass half-sock on your bicep is better than your "unsightly" arm is truly horrifying.
Kristin: I for one am very seduced by blood pressure measuring cups, Chrissy.
12. Eye-Whitening Drops ($21.30):
Kristin: So, do these eye whitening drops also come with a complimentary version of Photoshop?
Chrissy: Finally, a way to look as dead as I feel inside.
Kristin: Or at least like an American Girl doll.