Whoever Hands Out Saints' Patronages Has A Sick Sense Of Humour

Holy Irony, Batman!

You name it, and there's probably a patron saint for it- countries, cities, jobs, even hobbies, the Church has given one saint the responsibility of fielding those prayers.

Going on a journey? Then you need St Christopher, patron of travelers.

Watching football and there's a penalty shootout? Cast your eyes heavenward and ask St Luigi, the patron saint of footballers, to help. I am not making this up.

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But while some of the patron saints are easy to understand- St David was Welsh, St Peter was a fisherman, St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland and St George, um, may have heard of England? Okay, so they don't always make sense.

But there are a couple where whoever made the call to give them their patronages was having a laugh. A dark, ironic laugh.

First Up, St Cassian of Imola patron saint of school teachers

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St Cassian was a schoolmaster who refused to sacrifice to the Roman gods and was sentenced to death.

How was he killed? He was turned over to his students, who according to Wikipedia may have had beef with him over his punishments, which puts him on shaky ground in the Saintly stakes.

Whatever, his pupils leapt at the chance and stabbed him repeatedly with their styli (ancient writing implement), ultimately killing him.

Maybe teachers should pray to St Cassian and remember what happened to him before they give someone lines.

St Elmo, pyrotechnics and intestinal ailments

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St Elmo (also known as Erasmus) was like Steven Seagal, hard to kill.

Thrown down a hill in a barrel of spikes, covered in pitch and set alight, this was one saint who took a licking and kept on ticking.

What finally did for him? Having his stomach cut open and his intestines pulled out. So of course he's made patron saint of intestinal ailments. Still, he's the only saint to feature in the title of an awesome pop song.

St Sebastian, Archers

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Seb was shot archers, so of course he's who Katniss and Hawkeye would pray to. Shouldn't he really be patron saint of targets?

Popular in art because it's a grizzly death, and the Catholics do love a bit of bloody suffering.

St Bartholomew, tanners

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St Bartholomew was flayed and is sometimes shown holding his own skill (told you the Catholics love a bit of gore and suffering), so of course he would be the saint of choice for tanners and leather workers.

Pretty twisted, huh?