1. Your first months are spent washing dishes or working the register.
2. When you have to hand-wash dishes, scrubbing lipstick off a ceramic cup is literally the worst.
3. There is a special place in Dante's Inferno for people who don't know how to put dishes into designated bus bins.
4. You can spot newbies by how they pronounce "espresso."
5. You accumulate so many coffee appliances that you could start your own coffee shop at home.
6. You have a love/hate relationship with the amount of croissants you get to take home.
7. There aren't any uniforms, but you will wear flannel and a beanie at least three times a week.
8. There is only one thing worse than getting scheduled to "clopen" a coffee shop...
9. ...it's the guest who wants a latte five minutes before closing and one minute after you already cleaned the bar.
10. Someone will always ask for dark roast because it's the "strongest."
11. In a given week, multiple guests will ask you for "extra hot" or if their drink can be microwaved.
12. Before your shift, you taste the coffee and come up with the weirdest descriptions when attempting to make them sound relatable.
13. You are trained to educate guests about their coffee. But they will always stop you midsentence and say, "Just give me the BEST."
14. There are always guests that want to show you how much more knowledge they have than you.
15. You will always encounter someone who doesn't like the coffee, complains, and comes back the next day.
16. When your latte art is subpar, there is always someone there to capture the moment on Instagram.
17. In your defense, most screw-ups come from almond milk. You know the best art texture comes from whole.
18. You have hand cream hidden under the register because you couldn't survive working the bar without it.
19. When a co-worker's "crushtomer" walks in, you chat in coffee code.
20. In the case of "crushtomers," you totally make those hearts JUST. FOR. THEM.
21. Latte throwdowns are your version of the Olympics.
And they are the best way to connect with other baristas in your town.