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All The Advice I'd Give My Teenage Self

Buy yourself a nice pair of tweezers.

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1. Kiss more boys, you won't get pregnant.

2. But forget about kissing THAT boy.

3. (You know who I mean.)

4. Stop pinching the softness of your stomach and wishing you were different.

5. Learn you're OK now, before not being OK becomes a bad habit.

6. Don't be afraid to make friends with girls who are prettier, thinner, and smarter than you.

7. Knowing them won't make you ugly, fat, or dumb.

8. You are not ugly, fat, or dumb.

9. Go to parties.

10. Dance at them.


11. It's OK to slack at math.

12. Honestly, you will never be good at it and you will never care.

13. You will still get into uni.

14. (You will call it uni instead of college someday, because surprise, you moved to London.)

15. It's not OK to slack in English and history.

16. Just because you're good at them without trying doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

17. You will need them for sophisticated grown-up conversations some day.

18. And also for the AP test.

19. Be proud of your geeky side.

20. Like seriously, tell everyone you know that your hobbies include lurking on Harry Potter role-play sites.

22. If they think it's weird, they probably suck.

23. I mean what are THEY using the internet for, then?


24. It's OK to feel awkward and embarrassed, but don't let that stop you from going after what you want.

25. Like asking your mom to buy you your own pair of tweezers.

26. Or trying a tampon.

27. (You will probably never like them, but what do I know?)

28. Virginity is a social construct and God has bigger problems than what is or isn't going on in your vagina.

29. So the reason you feel like your abstinence-only sex ed is weird is because it IS weird.

30. And wrong. And so, so dumb.

31. But also I don't blame you for not losing your virginity in high school because honestly, who wants to do it in their parents' basement or the back of their boyfriend's hatchback?

32. Because sex is weird, and the anxiety you feel about it is normal.

33. But it's probably best if you start working through that instead of Peter-Pan-syndroming your way through the next seven years of your life.


34. Do not EVER say "I'm not a feminist, I just believe in equality for everyone."

35. You will regret this.

36. You will cringe for many, many years.

37. It will be that awkward thing you did ages ago that your brain regularly brings up just as you're falling asleep.

38. Just do your fucking research.

39. In the next year or so, you mom will ask if you want to "see someone".

40. Say yes.

41. Your anxiety is only going to get bigger and it's only going to get harder to manage on your own.

42. And having someone to help you sort that out doesn't make you weird and crazy.

43. It makes you a person who values herself.


44. You're going to fall in big love in a few years.

45. It's going to be a great story.

46. You will not live happily ever after, exactly.

47. But you will figure it out, together.

48. (You'll also get a boyfriend pretty soon, but honestly, chill out about all that.)

49. (And for fuck's sake, don't wait around for him to kiss you for however many months I did.)

50. Keep writing.

51. Finish that damn book you're about to start now and become the wunderkind we always dreamed you would be.

52. (It's OK if this doesn't turn out the way we planned though, just do it.)

53. Be creative because you love it.

54. It doesn't matter what your creative writing teacher thinks of you.

55. It doesn't matter what your drama teacher thinks of you.

56. It doesn't matter what your chem lab partner thinks of you.

57. It doesn't really matter what anybody thinks, tbh.

58. Volunteer more.

59. Try everything that scares you.

60. Except hard drugs – still pretty glad we passed on those.

61. (Not that we knew anyone in high school who would offer them to us, LOL)

62. Take the journalism course, you'll need it later.

63. Take the photography course, too, even though everyone in it is super pretentious.

64. Learn to drive.

65. Otherwise you will be an excuse-making, licenceless adult who must pay for her own classes.

66. Get a summer job and save the money.

67. Never forget that there was once a time when Taylor Swift didn't make your eye twitch.

68. Be happier.

69. Be sadder.

70. Be angrier.

71. Be bolder.

72. Stop worrying whether you're the kind of 15 the movies and books say you should be.

73. Start being the kind of 15 you want to remember.