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1. A three-story cat tree so your kitties can spy on the neighbor's children, or — in my case — the Ecuadorian food truck that's always bumping just a stone's throw from my apartment.
2. An automatic water fountain for those with picky pets who refuse to drink from a regular bowl. My cats drank solely from *my* water glasses until I picked this up and now I only have to wash/refill it once a week!
3. A three-tier cat toy with polka-dotted balls they can bat at. One of my cats puts her arms on both sides and essentially plays a modified version of tetherball just with herself.
4. A $4 piece of string on a stick that will make your cat happier than any expensive electronic toy or even the box said toy comes in!
5. An affordable smart home camera with an easy-to-use app so you can check up on your pet while you're away at work. If they're being naughty, you can even tell them to knock if off via the two-way audio.
6. A gentle deshedding glove because all cat owners know that if you go too long without a good brush, you will have soccer ball-sized fur bunnies blowing all around your home.
7. A catnip-filled carrot your fur child can bunny kick as hard as it wants. That way, your arm (or other cat) can catch a break.
8. A grain-free, high-protein kibble that your cat may just prefer to their wet food. (High praise, I know, but it's that good!)
9. A custom velvet collar engraved with your kitty's name and your phone number so if they ever manage to sneak out, people will know how to find you.
10. A completely unnecessary but oh-so-fun sling so you can carry your cat around like the needy bebe they are.
11. A leopard turtleneck sweater to keep them cozy when temperatures dip. And — not to state the obvious — but to provide ample photos ops.
12. A box of Lil' Soups so when you order a three-course takeout meal, your cats can also partake in appetizers of their own.
13. An interactive feather and mouse game that's basically like Whac-A-Mole for your cat. Lucky for them, they don't have to hunt down a carnival or pay $5 a pop to play.
14. A window hammock with suction cups strong enough to hold 50 pounds. If you're thinking that seems like a lot, just consider how quickly the weight of multiple cats, a blanket, their favorite toys, and a pillow adds up.
15. A set of raised bowls that are not only super cute (the pastels!), but also ergonomically designed so your cat can eat in a comfortable position and avoid whisker fatigue.
16. A litter-trapping honeycomb mat because there is nothing more disturbing than stepping out of the shower, walking to you room, and immediately feeling cat litter on the bottom of your foot.
17. A collapsible carrier with soft mesh sides so you can make frequent eye contact with your cat and ensure them that even though you betrayed their trust by taking them to the vet, they are okay now.
18. An airtight rolling container that makes storing dry food and cat litter SO much easier. Instead of keeping 20- and 30-pound bags on hand, just transfer everything to these and it'll keep them fresh.
19. A geometric sherpa-lined bed so they have something to transition to when you *finally* throw away that cardboard Amazon box they claimed as their own.
20. Or a plush anti-anxiety donut bed with a raised rim that keeps your kitty feeling nice and secure. The fluffy material also mimics cat fur, so it feels like they're cuddling their mom.
21. A pack of squeezable treats that are basically Gogurts — just in feline-approved flavors like tuna and chicken.
22. A 40-pound bag of dust-free clumping litter because having to 1. Buy cat litter at the store and then carry it into your house and 2. Actually clean the litter box are the two worst parts of cat parenthood.
23. A Chom Chom roller to put your regular ol' lint roller to shame. Forget ripping off sheets till you run out — this collects everything in a neat little compartment you simply empty out.
24. A pack of all-natural matabi chew sticks — a catnip alternative that's somehow even more tantalizing than anything they've tried before.
25. A spherical Tuft + Paw hideout with a faux-fur blanket just your cat's size. If your bb is anything like mine, they'll hang out in there until you walk by at perfect swatting distance.
26. And an XXL litter box with an oval lid you can pop open for easy cleaning. No more having to disassemble the whole darn thing!
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk!
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