1.
BATMAN: I got you flowers CATWOMAN: Put them in this vase BATMAN: Ok CATWOMAN: *pushes vase off counter while maintaining eye contact*
2.
I had every intention of doing laundry but my cat seriously bullied me into cuddling with her. Who owns who?
3.
Cat just chilling in Brockley Sainsbury's. Security tried to remove him. He sauntered straight back in.
4.
For my cat's birthday I'm covering my coffee table with change, bottle caps, pens & gum wrappers so he can just knock it all onto the floor.
5.
Saying "Bless You" out loud when my cat sneezes makes me
6.
When your girlfriend goes out of town and tells you "don't forget to feed our cat."
7.
Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me! Therapist: That's pretty typical cat behavior....
8.
*on phone* Sure I can come over! Let me– Cat curled up on my lap: *makes throat slice gesture with claw* No nvm, I'm just going to stay in
9.
Search History: Cat armor Buy armor for cats Cat jousting tournaments How to stop armored cats Cat army how to stop national guard phone #
10.
One time I woke up and there was a cat sleeping on my bed that I'd never seen before and I just said "oh hello" and went back to sleep.
11.
if my cat doesn't like you then i can't like you sorry i don't make the rules
12.
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt.
13.
CATS: We got a lifetime of naps and belly rubs. What about you? HUMANS: Superior intellect C: Cool what's it for? H: Math and feeling bad
14.
*takes picture of cat* *shows cat the picture*
15.
Me: *says we should not be slaves to the economy * Also me: *bought a heart bowl and chicken sticks for my cat's birthday *
16.
Sorry I didn't pick up when you called, I was reenacting funny Broad City bits for my cat
17.
Hey sorry I'm late, I had to hold my cat like a baby.
18.
My relationship with my cat is like when Leia says "I love you" and Han says "I know" except then Han knocks over everything on my desk
