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15 Dating Faux PaWs, As Told By Animals

First dates are nerve-racking even for animals. Here are some tips on what NOT to do to help you get through it.

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2. Don't remind your date every second how well you did on the SAT's.

You can talk about your accomplishments but no one cares about your SAT scores. Unless she works for the College Board, then brag away!


4. Hold off on bringing up extreme politics; it may make him do this:

Telling him you don't believe in evolution on the first date might give him the wrong impression. Feel it out before you dive in.


7. Don't stare at her boobs.

This should be obvious. If you can't completely control yourself, just stare at her butt when she walks in front of you. She won't see. JK, please don't do that either.

9. Just order dessert if you want it.

No seriously. Just order it, damnit. Turn off that "shouldn't" part of your brain and just go for it.

FREE TIP That last sentence should not be used as a line in another circumstance.

11. Try not to laugh hysterically at your own jokes.

Laughter is a hard thing to control so if you catch yourself laughing too much at your own jokes, maybe try pretend coughing into your sleeve. That may not work so just try to keep your extreme self-love at bay for the night.


12. Don't propose marriage right off the bat.

Marriage shouldn't be brought up on the first date at all. It's weird and presumptuous. Unless you're in a Shakespearean play and must discuss her dowry.

14. Don't spend the whole time on your phone.

This may be hard to believe but your 20 twitter followers will live if they don't hear about your life for a few hours. Turn off your phone if you have to.

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