I think people will initially see this and think I'm going to get back at this girl who said some pretty nasty things about me on a platform where I couldn't even defend myself. But like the subtitled says, for those looking for a cat fight via internet, I'm sorry to disappoint but this will not be it.
The girl at hand accused me of spreading a rumor about her, that as far as I know no one has ever heard me say, and yet people still believed her. It's hard to be accused of something like that. It's like when Regina George called herself a "fugly slut" and then blamed Cady. It's ridiculous to think my life would ever reach the point where it mimicked Mean Girls.
Yet, despite the fact that my personal Regina George created for me an image of betrayal, lies, and deception among people I considered like family, I don't hate her. She may refuse to listen to a word I have to say, but I never hated her, not before the accusation and not now.
I'm sure she has a lot going on in her life, perhaps she even feels a sense of insecurity, and I'm not going to judge why she did what she did, or why she handled it in the matter she did. I know misunderstandings occur all the time, we've all been on both sides of them. Perhaps, there was a miscommunication and it was easier to believe that I would spite her rather than consider the alternative.
Like Cady, the whole debacle served as a learning experience for me. I learned a lot about trust and friendship and am sincerely grateful for my friends who showed nothing but their support and love. Knowing that even though I idolize Blair Waldorf, trying to tear someone down for no reason at all is not for me.
I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy or trust, I know what I didn't do and my word can be taken at face value or ignored. However, as someone who strongly believes in women empowerment, I only ask that before a situation like this occurs again, think before you act. If something can be resolved by simply talking it out, why not?
Though, I know I didn't spread the rumor, it's never okay to spread one. If it doesn't concern you leave it alone. What happens in someone's private lives are their business, and only theirs. It's human nature to want to gossip, but unless someone confides a truth in you don't make assumptions.
Also, if someone confides in you, don't take that for granted. One of the most hurtful aspects of this situation did not concern my Regina George at all. Rather it was when someone I considered to be a friend suddenly questioned the validity of a personal hardship I had confided in her long before the allegation.
The second most hurtful part, also had nothing to do with the girl who started it. I truly love the organization I'm a part of, my freshmen year of college was far from perfect and by the time winter break came around I was going through some pretty serious depression. I was dealing with a death in my family, another relative falling ill, some not-okay relationships, and an overall feeling of despair and just being lost. Around the start of spring semester, I started getting more involved and really feeling like I had somewhere to call home in this middle of nowhere university. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize having this large group of warm, caring, welcoming people and I know that my Regina George wouldn't either.
I can understand if she felt that I was threatening that if I was actually spreading a rumor about her. Though her reaction was rash and I wish she would've come to me, having known what it's like to feel like you're a part of something so amazing, I can understand her a bit more.
So as much as a part of me really wants to dislike her, wants to use this opportunity to tell you who she's talked shit about, how she's made me feel and all the little things she's done, I won't. "Hysteria needs an audience" (someone wrote that in a book but I don't remember who), there is no reason to add fuel to the fire. Take this as a page from my diary, not my burn book.
The arts is the only medium I've ever known how to express myself through and writing has always been one of them. So believe me, don't believe, take it or leave it, but this is all I have to say.
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