1. How they respond to calling: 2. How they respond when you're in peril: 3. How they greet anyone you bring home: 4. And how they appreciate your gifts: 5. Where they choose to sleep: 6. And their general indifference to photogenics: 7. Basically, this is the contract you signed with your cat: Still worth it, though! Follow Yasmine's comics at Cat Versus Human, or in our new ComicsFeed syndication series.