17 British Kids TV Shows That Were Actually Kind Of Fucked-Up

Mice and badgers do not belong in the house, whether they love mashed potato or not.

1. Bodger & Badger, 1989

CBBC

While the unlikely friendship between a middle-aged man and a badger was a real crowd-pleaser, the fact of the matter is that this show really saw no problem with vermin in the household. Mice and badgers do not belong in the house, whether they love mashed potato or not.

2. Jeopardy, 2002

CBBC

Jeopardy was truly terrifying. It brought up a generation of conspiracy theorists and gave kids a lifelong fear of aliens, kidnapping, and the government. It was like WikiLeaks for kids.

3. The Story of Tracy Beaker, 2002

CBBC

This is the show that made all kids say, "I wish I was in a care home."

4. Jungle Run, 1999

CITV / youtube.com

The thought of being eternally trapped inside the Temple of the Jungle King haunts all British '00s kids to this day. Not to mention Sid and Elvis's deeply troubling devotion to the Jungle King.

5. The Demon Headmaster, 1996

CBBC

British kids were introduced to mind control, hypnosis, and manipulation at a young age. The Demon Headmaster meant every teacher was accused of brainwashing at some point or another.

6. Evacuation, 2006

CBBC

Six boys and six girls are sent to the countryside to simulate wartime Britain. Such fun!

7. Rosie and Jim, 1990

CITV

Were Rosie and Jim brother and sister or were they dating? Either way, sentient dolls on a canal boat fuelled many nightmares.

8. Raven, 2002

CBBC

Raven took six children, put them in multicoloured sacks, and made them fight the antagonist Nevar, otherwise they evaporated and were lost forever. This was all while a strange Scottish man shouted cryptic things like "may the luck of the Raven's Eye be with you".

9. 64 Zoo Lane, 1999

CBBC

Props to Lucy for taking on adventure when it presented itself, but this show did a poor job of addressing issues of conservation and zoo ethics. Did her mother not worry about her fraternising with caged animals?

10. Get Your Own Back, 1991

CBBC

The show that taught kids not to verbalise their issues with adults but to dunk them in gunge instead.

11. The Ghost Hunter, 2000

CBBC

If you thought your childhood was grim, just think of poor Roddy and Tessa, who were haunted by a Victorian shoeshine boy and chased by a woman who loved to sniff ghosts. Grim.

12. My Parents Are Aliens, 1999

CITV

Who better to take care of three orphans but two aliens, one of whom wore a nappy all day because he wanted to be a baby?

13. Oakie Doke, 1996

CBBC

Oakie was an unsettling creature. The smug bastard couldn't help ending every episode, "Well, it's like I always say." We get it, Oakie, you know everything.

14. Stupid!, 2004

CBBC

Stupid! brought up deep philosophical questions like: Who wrote this? Do children like this exist? Was the devil finger kid OK? Is the show a metaphor for the futility of our free will? Will a nation of parents ever forgive CBBC for "Want It Can't Have It"?

15. Crush, 2004

CBBC

CBBC pitch meeting: "How about we put a grown man in a primary school, work out who fancies who, and then get them to compete for a date in front of their entire school. Kids are into humiliation, aren't they?"

16. Home Farm Twins, 1999

CBBC

Hannah and Helen Moore negotiate the differences between the countryside and the city with their friend who lives on...Crackpot Farm.

17. Dick & Dom in da Bungalow, (2002)

CBBC

The whole premise of Dick & Dom in da Bungalow was that two grown men invite six kids to their home with no stairs and make them compete in games like "Creamy Muck Muck".

British kids TV was all kinds of fucked-up.