6 Ungodly Horrors Hiding In Australian Water

H2NO.

1. Stonefish

Erik Schlögl / Via AustralianMuseum.net

The jerks of the ocean. "Oh, hey, I'm covered in giant poisonous barbs that make people swell up like balloons before their hearts collapse. I think I'll disguise myself as a rock so swimmers can accidentally step on me."

Aussie beaches. Not even once.

2. Bull sharks

Via Wikipedia

OK, so you know Australia's oceans are a nightmare realm. You'll play it safe by splashing around in an inland river. Ha ha, NOPE. Bull sharks have adapted their osmoregulatory processes to survive in both fresh and salt water, all so they can swim further upstream to eat YOU.

3. Acid

Via epa.sa.gov

No shit, we have literal acid lakes. Acid sulfate soils occur naturally in waterlogged areas and are fine so long as they stay covered with water, but as soon as they're exposed to air (through excavation, drainage, etc) the acid is released. Now the remaining water is corrosive, sometimes as much as battery acid. Naturally it kills everything. THANKS, AUSTRALIA!

4. Amoebic meningitis

Via Reddit

Good news, everyone! Not all our lakes are acidic - some give you fatal brain infections instead. Amoebic meningitis is caused by dickweed little single-celled organisms called Naegleria fowleri who hang out in shallow ponds, under-chlorinated pools, and slightly seedy hot tubs and spas, just waiting to swim up some poor kid's nose.

5. Toilet beasts

Via smh.com.au

"Fine," you say, "I'll stay inside forever. Nothing can get me in my $5,000-a-week inner city shack." Yeah, you wish. In 2008 a 1.8m black-headed python was found in a toilet on the 10th floor of a Darwin apartment block. In the same year a possum squirmed through 10m of sewage pipes before emerging half-drowned in a Brisbane bathroom. Sure, the possum doesn't LOOK scary, but how would you feel if he caught you with your pants down?

6. Climbing perch

Via Telegraph.co.uk

Aussie native nightmares are bad enough, but now these monsters have invited themselves to the party. Right now climbing perch have only made it to a couple of islands in the Torres Strait, but with lungs that let them live ALMOST A WEEK without water all they need to do is hop on a fishing boat for a free ride to Oz. Once here they'll lodge themselves in the throat of anything foolish enough to try to eat them, 'cause F you for thinking they're part of the food chain.