Bartenders Are Sharing Drinks They Can't Stand Making, And I'm Now Reconsidering My Order
"Whiskey and tap water for you."
Ah, bars. Love 'em or not, you gotta respect the person slinging drinks for hours to an increasingly..."rambunctious" crowd.
Redditor u/Jdmc99 wanted to get the inside track, so they posed the question: "Bartenders of Reddit — what is the one drink you despise serving above all others?"
And the answers came flooding in.
1. "Mojitos. Fantastic drink, and I love making them for myself and friends, but I'm too much of a perfectionist to have to make them en masse."
2. "The, 'Umm... I want something fruity that's strong, but I don't want to be able to taste the alcohol.' OK, enjoy your Malibu and pineapple."
3. "Red-Headed Sluts. I have red hair, and every time a man orders one he is usually extremely creepy and thinks he is the most clever man alive."
4. "Anything blended. It's like an STD in a high school — one person gets one and then everybody else follows."
5. "Layered shots. At 1 a.m. on a Friday night when we're three deep at the bar. Any other time, I don't mind."
6. "Where I work, we have a 'skinny rita' that calls for two fresh limes to be cut in half and then manually juiced into the mixer, as opposed to simply using sweet and sour. It's a great drink, but when I'm slammed with a full cocktail section and bar, it's the last thing I have time for."
7. "The only thing I hated was when someone gave me their fucked-up name for something as if that is what it's called everywhere."
"Customer: Give me a Minty Marilyn with a bang of Gingy.
Customer: Gin and Tonic with a lime."
8. "'Make me something special for my friend's birthday, with loads of booze in it!' 'Do you mind about price?' 'No, just make me the best drink you know!' 'OK, here's a Long Island iced tea with all the trimmings — that'll be £7.' '£7? Go fuck yourself.'"
9. "My most hated and despised drink in existence: a vodka martini."
10. "'Give me the strongest drink you have!' Sorry, I don't have time to measure the alcohol % of the hundreds of drinks we serve...whiskey and tap water for you buddy."
11. "I used to work at a hotel where we made 'Avocado Margatinis.' It's a frozen drink made with avocado and tequila served in a martini glass. Had to hand-make it every time it was ordered."
12. "Nothing, NOTHING is worse than Ramos Fizz — only grouchy rich old white people order them, never are satisfied with how they are made, and who the fuck orders a drink with orange flower water, egg white, and cream?!?!?!"
13. "When someone gives a very long list of alcohol and exact measurements to their personal drink. No one working a busy bar has time to make this thing your way."
14. "This was on me, but I once made Skittles vodka. NEVER AGAIN. Rainbow-colored puke everywhere."
15. "A Wisconsin Bloody Mary...the amount of garnishes make the drink, but it's a bitch to prep...and don't forget the beet chaser!"
16. "Jäegerbombs. Not because of the drink — because of the people who drink them."
17. "The only drink I refuse to make is the one after I realize that you shouldn't be drinking anymore."
"Since personal responsibility doesn't exist anymore, I (the bartender) am liable if some drunk hurts someone else or themselves after they leave my bar. So don't give me a hard time when you get a cup of coffee or a glass of water when I realize you've had enough. Or just drink at home. Cheers.'
18. "Margaritas. Want to know why I hate margaritas? Because Cinco de fucking Mayo. I worked the last three Cinco de Mayos at a decently sized bar in my hometown, and every year it's the same. Throughout the night, approximately 300 white people come in, celebrating Cinco de Mayo as if they know why it's a holiday, and all immediately assume they should drink margaritas."
"After year one, I decided to make a count of how many margaritas I made during a shift for Cinco de Mayo. A shift for me lasted from 5 p.m. until 12:30 a.m. Last year I made 230 margaritas. In one day. Do you know how much tequila that is? Personally I don't; all I know is that my manager made at least eight liquor runs (we kept reserves in the basement, and the manager would grab around three handles of shitty generic tequila blancos). Know how fun it is making five margaritas at a time, for eight hours? Zero fun. Not one fun. Margaritas suck. You don't even care about Latin culture. I hate you." —u/juice189
19. "Long Island iced tea."
20. "Anybody who orders anything and then tells me, 'I can't taste the alcohol in this.'"
"Fucker, that's why I'm a bartender. Part of my skill is mixing things together to give them a great new flavor. You can't taste the alcohol because I'm good at my job. You wanna taste alcohol? Order your shit neat. Better yet, go sit by the guy on the corner and drink your shit out of a paper bag."
21. "Milkshakes. I've bartended in a few restaurant/bars, and I've always hated making the milkshakes. It takes three times as long as a real drink, and there is usually no tip involved."
A good takeaway: When ordering drinks, a slammed Friday night is a far different beast than an empty bar at lunchtime.
Have you spent time behind the bar and got somethin' to add to the list? Let us know in the comments!
(And remember to tip your bartenders!)
Note: Some answers have been edited for length and/or clarity.