1.
Goin' for a car ride and everything is great. Wait, what? AHHHAKLSYEFIUHSKJDBLI. GOD NO. NO. GOD. NO.
2.
How dare you betray us, hooks.
4.
HOW IS THERE NO BLOOD TO SHOW AS PROOF OF THIS PAIN?
5.
STICKERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BRING JOY TO OUR LIVES.
6.
Oh, come on. All she wanted to do was take her sweatshirt off.
7.
What the actual hell did our hair ever do to you, zippers?
8.
Oh, good. This is happening again. We love it when this happens.
9.
Bye, strand of hair. You'll be missed.
10.
Those pieces of hair used to be attached to a head.
12.
BUT THIS IS WHERE WE DREAM SWEET DREAMS.
13.
EVEN OUR OWN ELBOWS BETRAY US.
14.
Listen, pen — we're all just trying to do the same thing here. We're on the same team.
15.
Hey, quick question, Mother Nature: Why are you trying to yank our heads back? It really hurts our necks. Like, a lot.
16.
Two options: 1) Scream in pain as you try and take the brush out, or 2) Live the rest of your life with a brush in your hair.
17.
Someone get the scissors, STAT.
18.
But...but...you're a button. Just a nice little button WITH THE DEVIL INSIDE OF YOU.
19.
NOTHING IS SAFE ANYMORE.
21.
ESPECIALLY...ESPECIALLY NOT THIS GODDAMN CHAIR.
