16 Times Kelly Kapoor Made You Say, “Me, Definitely Me”

“Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?”

1. When she showed up in white to Phyllis’s wedding.

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2. When she knew what she was good at and shared it with the room.

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3. When she gave Ryan what was coming to him.

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Ryan: Do you have a question, Kelly?
Kelly: Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?

4. When she was realistic about her New Year’s resolution.

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Kelly: My resolution was to get more attention.

5. When she was a straight-up liar.

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6. And when she lied again.

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Kelly: Ignore her, those glasses are so cool. You look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. You should definitely wear them all the time.
Pam: Huh. Maybe I will.
Kelly: Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office.

7. When she knew how to exaggerate her responsibilities.

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Kelly: Well, I manage my department, and I’ve been doing that for several years now. And, god, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Jim: Your department’s just you, right?
Kelly: Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.

8. When she figured out how to get what she wants.

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Kelly: Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

9. When she did an A+ impression of Bridget Jones’s Diary.

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10. When she couldn’t control her raw feelings for even a second.

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Michael: Say hello to Danny.
Kelly: Fuck me.

11. When she was insulted anyone would ever think she has any weaknesses at all.

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Gabe: What are your weaknesses?
Kelly: I don’t have any, asshole.

12. When she was happy for her ex.

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Kelly: I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I’m gonna wear my hottest track suit, get my hair done, and then be like, “Hi, Ryan.” Then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, “Damn, Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison.”

13. When she was honestly 100% ice cold.

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14. When she had a mini breakdown.

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15. When she made Angela preemptively take aspirin.

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16. And finally, when she branded herself before anyone else could.

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Kelly: Who am I? I’m Kelly Kapoor. The Business Bitch.

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