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24 Hilarious Schmidt Quotes That Will Never Get Old

Youths, amirite?

1. When his nipples were a mystery to us all:

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2. When he used a line that was both creepy and adorable:

3. When he couldn’t handle “poor people” wood for even one second:

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4. When he revealed some truths from his past.

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5. When he was too Schmidt for his own good:

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6. …like, really Schmidt:

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7. When he tried so, so hard to remember a word:

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8. When he just wanted to chill in his ‘mono:

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9. When he couldn’t handle the troubles of the world:

10. And when those troubles hurt his heart, but he didn’t have any time for sympathy:

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11. When he desperately needed to know how big Nick’s penis was:

12. When he was completely, 100% into himself:

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13. When he was super, super excited about sex:

14. But also when he had a lot of serious questions about sex:

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15. When his Winston insults were on point:

Winston: C’mon, that was like years ago, dude. I’m a changed man! I mean, look at me…I’m wearing a suit.

Schmidt: Suit? Please, that’s something they put on Morgan Freeman when they let him out of Shawshank. Look at that, what, did a magician die in that thing?

16. When he confessed his true, unadulterated love for delicious fruit condiments:

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17. And that he does more than eat it:

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18. When he made excellent use of his own name.

19. When he gave himself a much-needed pep talk:

20. When he told Cece just how great it is to have sex with him:

21. When he revealed the life lessons he learned in his childhood:

22. When he talked about the super-specific pants that he owns:

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23. When he threw some cell phone shade:

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24. And when he complained about his favorite thing to complain about:

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