20 Worst Parts Of Getting Your Nails Done

Get ready for two hours of pampered relaxation. LOL!

1.

When you walk in and are faced with the daunting task of picking a color, the stress will ensure that you literally never make a semi decent choice

2.

Pretty much as soon as you sit down you will be asked if you have a boyfriend. If no, you will be told why

3.

For the entirety of your visit you will know you are being talked shit about in Vietnamese

4.

The wrist massage is nice for about five seconds until you realize both your wrist girth and hair are being judged

5.

Just wondering if she has any idea my cuticles are actually attached to my skin because OHMYGODOWWW

6.

At least the tools being used to penetrate your skin have been soaking in a glass full of other tools used to penetrate other peoples’ skin so you know they’re sterile

7.

The water your feet soak in before a pedicure is roughly 300 degrees too hot but GOD FORBID you ask for a temperature adjustment

8.

The back massage chair feels similar to an angry toddler punching your vertebrae. Soooo relaxxxxxingggg.

9.

No better time than when someone is sawing away at your callouses to pinpoint every single thing that makes you inadequate

10.

SHAVE YOUR LEGS BEFORE EVERY PEDICURE

11.

No matter what you are there to have done, you will always be told that you need an upper lip waxing

12.

If you do succumb to a waxing, the sheer delight the technician takes in removing clumps of your hair will only confirm how disgusting you are

13.

You will get very high off the varying fumes and toxins—and not in the fun way :(

14.

Who the fuck are you even doing this for? You single piece of shit.

15.

Towards the end, you realize you’ve been holding hands with a stranger for a very long time

16.

You can’t even look at your FUCKING PHONE to make things more bearable

17.

Sometimes you’re forced to communicate with the other patrons which always include someone drunk on white wine who has no problem telling you your fingers look fat with oval shaped nails and the mother of someone you went to high school with, regardless of where you live now in relation to your hometown

18.

When it’s time to dry, you get to place your hands two inches from UV rays which are in no way ensured to be non-cancerous

19.

The salon is cash only because of course it’s cash only which everyone knows is the most convenient method of commerce and GOOD LUCK asking to charge it

20.

Finally you are free and your nails look beautiful. “That was so worth it,” you think to yourself as you walk to the subway and pull out your Metrocard and swipe it through the turnstile and oh look you’ve ruined every single one of your nails and feel stellar about the $70 now missing from your bank account. AH, BEAUTY!