10 Guys Only Jewish Girls Are Attracted To

I’ll take THAT with a side of Manischewitz please.

10. Mandy Patinkin

No post bat-mitzvah Jewish girl hasn’t had to ask herself if she prefers Mandy with or without the beard (spoiler alert: yes to both).

9. Larry David

Pretty, pretty, pretty unattractive. But he reminds Jewish girls of our dads and, well, something about that is disturbingly appealing.

8. Jerry Seinfeld

One word: $yndication.

7. Ross Geller

Only a Jewish girl could put up with someone who is both so needy and unfathomably annoying. (No, Rachel wasn’t Jewish but she grew up on Long Island so pretty much an honorary Member of the Tribe.)

6. Ben Stiller

Well, YOUR parents would be elated if you brought him home with you.

5. Seth Rogen (pre weight loss)

Sure, these days every basic bitch claims she would marry Seth, but circa “Knocked Up,” we were the only ones who spotted his potential for PJH (Perfect Jewish Husband).

4. Adam Sandler (today)

Similar to Seth Rogen, in his prime, Goyim and non-Goy alike woulda schtupped Adam Sandler in a heartbeat. These days, he’s quite a bit softer and his movies are way shittier but still, us Heebs would show him the Western Wall.

3. Jimmy Fallon

He himself is not a Jew, but for some reason, his appeal to Jewish girls is irresistible. Sure, nowadays, every girl and their mother would take a metaphorical trip to the Tonight Show, but only Jewish girls epitomize him as a non-threatening dreamboat, even if he weren’t personal friends with Bruce Springsteen.

2. Sacha Baron Cohen

A Shiksa would kick him out of bed the moment he uttered “my wiiiife.” But a Jewish babe would welcome any alternative personality as it would mean she has the day free to ignore him and get her nails done.

1. Harry Goldenblatt

This is what us Jewish gals refer to as hitting the “Jewish Lottery.” A lawyer who will worship the ground you walk on AND let you have a Christmas tree? Safe to say we’d all give up Christ for him (if we believed Christ was the savior and not just a fellow MOT who we would undoubtedly also be attracted to).