The Ten People You Meet At The Mall During The Holidays

Black Friday was only the beginning.

1. The Parking Lot Predator

Via complex.com

Getting the best spot becomes a sport to them and nothing is off limits. They scan the aisles looking for an opening like a lion hunting a baby gazelle. It doesn't matter if you've had your blinker on for 3 minutes waiting for someone to back out; this guy is ready to pull a sneak attack and get in there without any remorse.

2. The Silent Killer

Via s1.zetaboards.com

She needs a new outfit for the country club Christmas party and she knows how to get it. She's usually a woman in her forties dressed head to toe in workout gear, holding the keys to her Volvo station wagon like a shank, and ready to wrangle down a 400 pound man for that last cashmere sweater set at Nordstrom.

3. The Overly Enthusiastic Sales Associate

Via flamingopink.com.au

Their holiday bonus is just within reach and they're going out on the floor to sell like a warrior entering into battle. When they're not telling you about the deal on two-for-one body scrubs they're rocking a serial killer smile. You can try and run behind the bath salts but you can't hide.

4. The "I Hate My Job" Sales Associate

Via theurbandaily.com

Retail during the holidays breeds a whole new level of miserable. You'd be lucky to walk into a store and find one of these people only half asleep. They're usually forced to wear some ridiculous holiday inspired outfit and they want absolutely nothing to do with you. Unless you're looking to get told off by a 20 year old elf, stay away.

5. The Boyfriend

Via him.uk.msn.com

He's probably standing outside of a Victoria's Secret holding 18 shopping bags and he's probably pissed about it. He came under the impression that his girlfriend had to "pick up a couple of things" and go but finds himself four hours deep with no sign of stopping and no holiday spirit.

6. The Innovator

Via hoodiebuddieblog.tumblr.com

Too many bags? No problem. They've lifted a shopping cart from Target and they're ready to shop. You'll either get stuck behind them trying to maneuver this thing through crowds of people like Moses parting the seas or you'll get hit from the back by a runaway down the handicap ramp. Either way it's going to suck.

7. The Saver

Via vajiggle.tumblr.com

They're armed with 700 coupons and they're right in front of you in the checkout line. Their $2.50 off Martha Stewart snowflake placemats did not expire two weeks ago and they're going to call a manager down to the register to prove it. They save a total of $8 while you lose 35 minutes and your sanity.

8. The Tantrum

Via cnn.com

Is that a dying cat? No, it's a two year old who wasn't allowed to get a Build-a-Bear. This kid is having an Oscar worthy meltdown on the other side of the mall and wants the whole world to hear it. He's usually on all fours, bright red, and prepared to hold his breath until he gets what he wants.

9. The Ice Breaker

Via pandawhale.com

They're right next to you in line and they want you to know their life story before you leave the place. It will start out as innocent as commenting on something you're purchasing and next thing you know you're stuck listening to every word about this woman's 18 cats and estranged husband. This is where the "smile and nod" gets perfected.

10. The Kiosk Vulture

Via fanpop.com

You're finally ready to leave this hellhole and you've never been so grateful to see automatic doors in your life. Before you can reach for your keys you hear the familiar and horrifying sound of "SAMPLE?!" These people aren't restricted to the walls of a store and have the advantage of following you with little packets of hair product until you cave. You miraculously make it to the doors without stopping and promise yourself to never enter another mall again.