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20 Designer Shoes That Aren't On Anyone's Christmas List This Year

"For anyone looking for a shoe that resembles a slightly tanner version of the Michelin Man."

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1. Charlotte Olympia $1295

So that you too, can live out your dreams of being a human parade float.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

So that you too, can live out your dreams of being a human parade float.

2. Prada Linea Rossa $590

For the stylish grandma that is sick and tired of her outdated Sketchers.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For the stylish grandma that is sick and tired of her outdated Sketchers.

3. Sophia Webster $460

Now we can all know what it feels like to dress like Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

Now we can all know what it feels like to dress like Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century.

4. Givenchy $1050

For the environmental activist who just really loves pink glitter.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For the environmental activist who just really loves pink glitter.

5. Marni $580

Have you ever looked at a 7 year old boy's sneakers and thought, "Wow, I wish someone made a $600 version of those?" Your dream = reality.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

Have you ever looked at a 7 year old boy's sneakers and thought, "Wow, I wish someone made a $600 version of those?" Your dream = reality.

6. Christian Louboutin $1295

So both your, and your shoe's hair, can billow in the wind together.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

So both your, and your shoe's hair, can billow in the wind together.

7. Valentino $895

Business in the front, hot mess in the back.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

Business in the front, hot mess in the back.

8. Brunello Cucinelli $1495

For those of you who have been forever envious of your grandfather's sandals.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For those of you who have been forever envious of your grandfather's sandals.

9. Stella McCartney $650

For anyone who really misses the worst parts of the '90's.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For anyone who really misses the worst parts of the '90's.

10. Christian Louboutin $1295

A shoe that references both candy, for the kid in you, and lucite, for the exotic dancer in you.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

A shoe that references both candy, for the kid in you, and lucite, for the exotic dancer in you.

11. Fendi $1695

So that your shoe can also have resting bitchface. You know, in duck form.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

So that your shoe can also have resting bitchface. You know, in duck form.

12. Chloe $995

For anyone looking for a shoe that resembles a slightly tanner version of the Michelin Man.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For anyone looking for a shoe that resembles a slightly tanner version of the Michelin Man.

13. Marni $490

So you can feel like you fit in when you go to visit grandma at her gardening club.
Barneys / Via barneys.com

So you can feel like you fit in when you go to visit grandma at her gardening club.

14. Ulla Johnson $415

Finally. A shoe to go with the floor length denim dress you've been dying to wear.
Barneys / Via barneys.com

Finally. A shoe to go with the floor length denim dress you've been dying to wear.

15. Michael Kors $385

Going as "Frankenstein as a librarian" next halloween? Here's half your costume.
Neiman Marcus / Via neimanmarcus.com

Going as "Frankenstein as a librarian" next halloween? Here's half your costume.

16. Valentino $1195

A shoe that understands women who have always wanted to look like a studded circus tent.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

A shoe that understands women who have always wanted to look like a studded circus tent.

17. Tory Burch $395

For those looking to channel their inner "Pocahontas during Ugg season."
Neiman Marcus / Via neimanmarcus.com

For those looking to channel their inner "Pocahontas during Ugg season."

18. Saint Laurent $1395

You know, in case you get cast in a remake of Hocus Pocus and you're asked to bring your own costume.
Neiman Marcus / Via neimanmarcus.com

You know, in case you get cast in a remake of Hocus Pocus and you're asked to bring your own costume.

19. Giuseppe Zanotti $595

Spend all of the '90's wanting to look like a model from a Mudd Jeans ad? Now you can!
Barneys / Via Barneys.com

Spend all of the '90's wanting to look like a model from a Mudd Jeans ad? Now you can!

20. Charlotte Olympia $1195

For anyone so obsessed with Game of Thrones they felt the need to express it through footwear.
Bergdorf Goodman / Via bergdorfgoodman.com

For anyone so obsessed with Game of Thrones they felt the need to express it through footwear.

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