My (Now Not-So) Secret Fear

short reflection on thoughts of one of my biggest fears

Alright. Lets do this.

Hi.

My name is Carol.

And I have a fear.

I was hoping it would have a unique name;

And I would be able to say I have "so-and-so-and-blah-de-da-a-phobia"

And then drop a truth bomb on all of yall,

But google has reassured me

That there is no name.

So I have

A phobia that doesn't have a name.

Which I can't decide is a good thing or a bad thing.

But here we go.

My name is Carol

And I have a fear of libraries.

Not books or buildings.

But libraries.

And it's not that I'm afraid I'm going to walk in and never walk out

Or that the building will come to life.

It's simply the idea that this big, amazing, building

Is filled with so much information

So many facts

And stories

And words

But it's completely silent.

I don't know where to start.

I don't know what I'll find.

I'll get lost.

Plus silence.

This huge alternate world with answers to almost every question you have

If you know where to look

And if you don't make noise.

And this fear is very real.

When I have to go to the library for class, it's a stressful situation.

Heavy breathing.

Panic attacks.

Anxiety.

Fear.

I avoid the library at all costs.

And the more I write about it, the more ridiculous it sounds.

And I wish I could walk into the library, sit down, and study.

I wish I could join my friends at a table reading together before a test.

But

I

Cant.

Not to say I don't study,

Trust me

I spend more time than I'd like reading and doing school work

But not in our library.

And I need to get over this fear.

Mostly because I have a research paper due where a required source has to be a book.

So sometime within the next few days, I will have no choice.

But to venture beyond the doors,

And into the library.

So why am I writing this?

Maybe someone else feels the same way I do and it's relieving to know you're not alone in this

Maybe I just needed to write it for myself and you're the pool soul wasting time reading this.

Maybe you got a good laugh out of it.

Hi

My name is Carol

And I have a fear of libraries.

Have a good day.