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    19 Secrets Nightclub Toilet Attendants Would Never Tell You

    No spray, no lay.

    1. For the most part we enjoy ourselves in there, just like you.

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    2. The tips aren't bad either.


    On a good night when people are feeling generous we can take a decent amount of money home. All those pound coins add up.

    3. In fact, a number of us do the job to supplement a weekday 9 to 5.

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    Office admins, personal trainers and accountants. There's a lot to us when we're not in the loo.

    4. You'd be surprised at how well we get to know customers.

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    We bump into you at least three times on a night when you're in a fun-loving state.

    We've seen you drunk.

    We've seen you wee.

    We're like buddies for life now.

    5. Which means we can tell how well a regular's work or love life is going.


    Won money at the bookies? Hello again.

    Just been promoted? Hello again.

    Back on the single market? My friend, let me introduce you to this new spray.

    6. And students, we know if you're failing.

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    In a nightclub toilet in the middle of April? Shouldn't you be in the library?

    7. Sometimes we do get strange requests.

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    Bald men asking for combs?

    Customers wanting honest opinions on their chances of pulling in their outfit?

    We see and hear a lot.

    8. And often witness terrible drunken tomfoolery.

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    9. We're often surprised at how many women can fit into one cubicle.

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    It's like a clown car.

    10. As well as how many men still wee like children.

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    Pulling your pants and trousers down by your ankles to make a schoolboy.

    Apparently it makes weeing while drunk easier.

    11. But their toilet graffiti does occasionally bring a chuckle

    12. The main reason we're here though, is to make sure everyone stays F R E S H.

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    13. With occasional breaks to help out with your nightclub photos.

    14. Also, Paco Rabanne 1 Million is REALLY popular right now.

    15. But every now and again someone takes it too far and over sprays.

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    16. Which is only matched in annoyance levels by overeager people with the hair gel.

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    17. But really, it's just like any other service job.

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    We put on a smile, take each customer as they come and hope they respond in kind.

    18. Except there's a few more drunk people.

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    19. And sorry, but we don't know where the "no spray, no lay" lines orginate from either.

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    They're catchy though huh?

    This post is based on an interview with a Somerset-based nightclub toilet attendant who asked to remain anonymous to best project their employment interests. They have been a toilet attendant for 10 years.

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