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Football In The UK Vs. Football Around The World

Best league in the world? Yeah right, mate.

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Here's how a typical player signing is announced in the UK.

#mufc has reached an agreement with PSV Eindhoven & Memphis Depay for the player's transfer, subject to a medical.

The transfer rigmarole in British football is a rinse-repeat formula of gossip reports and "Who are they?" news that settles into a nice, dignified announcement when the deal is done. Familiar. Repetitive. Yawn.

Compare it to how transfer news is announced in the MLS.

When you find out you're reunited with #bae in LA. #StevieLAG

LOOK AT THIS TWEET.

Look at how devoid of dignity and proper research it is. Robbie Keane was terrible at Liverpool, but despite that, the MLS was so excited about Steven Gerrard joining him at LA Galaxy they got someone to fire off a tweet about how he'll be causing trouble with him and didn't give a damn about deleting it, despite how ham-fisted it was.

With Financial Fair Play here to stop silly money being thrown about, the British transfer window could do with some sherbet-addled press releases to get us excited about signings again.

This is how fans do banners in British football.

Keys [ ✓ ] Wallet [ ✓ ] Ticket [ ✓ ] Laminated banter [ ✓ ] Dignity [ ]

Chelsea fans laminated their banter against Liverpool.

THEY. LAMINATED. THEIR. FOOTBALL. BANTER.

A grown man handed out, to other grown men, laminated pieces of card mocking Steven Gerrard, and Chelsea fans said, "Yes, this is an appropriate thing to do at a football game that will be heavily televised and photographed."

Compare it to fan banners found on the continent.

101greatgoals.com

The fans at Borussia Dortmund's "Yellow Wall" in Westfalenstadion are some of the most vociferous in Europe. When they want to unfurl a banner, they tend to go for a massive tifo display.

British fans might have a sense of humour.

But foreign fans are just impressive.

Foreign fans bring a sense of glamour as well.

In the UK, on the other hand, they punch horses.

neogaf.com

Dicks.

British fans really don't pull off the elegant look when supporting their team.

The just don't seem to get it.

Whereas foreign fans seem to nail it every single time.

Matchday cuisine at the football in the UK isn't much better.

Food in British stadiums tends to be a choice between carbs with brown and other carbs with brown, all washed down with brown liquid that can't quite decide if it is meant to be tea or coffee.In the winter, fans get to the point and drink Bovril, which is just brown carbs.
Twitter: @bluecitywugger

Food in British stadiums tends to be a choice between carbs with brown and other carbs with brown, all washed down with brown liquid that can't quite decide if it is meant to be tea or coffee.

In the winter, fans get to the point and drink Bovril, which is just brown carbs.

Especially when you put it against the half-time food served in South Africa.

instagram.com

Bunny chow, a dish consisting of curry and beans served in half a loaf of bread, is a popular half-time snack when watching games in Africa. Maximum meat and no litter after.

Man of the Match awards in the UK are pretty simple.

SNAPSHOT: @MarcPugh7 picks up @SkySports' man of the match award for #AFCBvWFC: http://t.co/M6ExFsnvKU #afcb

As with many British awards, we opt for the quiet, humble handing of accolades.

Unlike Man of the Match awards in the rest of the world.

Javier Balboa et Fabrice Ondama désignés #manofthematch en compagnie de nos #fanofthematch #CAN2015

Orange had fans present Man of the Match awards at this year's African Cup of Nations, which meant we got spectacular images like this.

British team mascots are friendly and all that...

instagram.com

...but across the Atlantic, they have an IRL lumberjack laying waste to stuff.

instagram.com

Portland Timbers have Timber Joe, a logger who slices a slab of wood every time the team scores.

Lumberjacks > dinosaurs.

Goal celebrations?

http://football2football.tumblr.com/post/59780812386/let-sturridge-mesmorize-you

It's been 11 years and Daniel Sturridge still hasn't quite mastered a great goal celebration.

A team game needs team celebrations.

Via totalprosports.com

Stjarnan FC in Iceland could have used their time doing something valuable like practising corners, but instead dedicated themselves to this dance to entertain us. Good choice.

British football fans can make for a slightly intimidating atmosphere.

Via imgur.com

As many a coat-shunning Geordie will tell you.

But you have to go elsewhere to get that really formidable stadium feel.

Via sports.yahoo.com

PAOK Salonika fans in Greece decided to create a ring of flares against hated rival Olympiakos in April 2014 to give the match that extra edge.

British referees are wankers.

BT Sport / Via 101greatgoals.com

But they take things a little less seriously around the world.

ESPN Brasil / Via youtube.com

Here's one paying a quick tribute to Brazilian playmaker Alexsandro de Souza at a testimonial.

It's pretty conclusive. Football is just better outside the UK.

Via giant.gfycat.com

As fans at Colombia's Independiente Medellin will testify.

See you at the Copa America next month?

Nova Sport / Via hbkmano.tumblr.com