A Letter To My Ex-Best Friend

The past year of my life has been a real eye-opener. I've learned so much, made so many mistakes, and faced some tough life choices. And I've had to do it all without my best friend by my side. There have been so many times I've thought about picking up the phone and telling her everything that I never did. Pride stops me every single time. So, I've decided to write a letter instead.

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

First off, I think an apology is in order. We were young, and on our own for the first time, and I was so unbelievably immature. I made so many mistakes in our friendship. I was so insecure about myself that I put you down to make myself feel better. All those jokes I made that seemed harmless enough at the time really dragged you down. I see that now. I know that the constant jokes made you feel jaded, and I'm sorry for being the reason you were so unhappy. It was my job as your best friend to do everything I could to build you up, not tear you down.

I'm sorry for making it so obvious that I didn't like your boyfriend. I should have kept my distance and supported you in something that made you truly happy. I didn't think he was good enough for you. I still don't. But I see now that my job was to hug you and smile and wish you all the happiness in the world.

I'm sorry that I made you feel that you couldn't talk to me when you lost your v-card. I know from experience that it's a monumental moment in a woman's life; a moment that should be shared with friends you trust, and I'm so sorry that I couldn't be that person for you. I can only imagine how hard that must have been to have to go through that experience without sharing it.

I'm sorry for being a bad roommate. I should have taken the time to make our small dorm feel like a home for you, rather than a place you dreaded coming back to. I'm sorry for focusing more on boys than on our friendship. And I'm sorry for stealing your conditioner (bad roommate move).

I'm sorry for not being a supportive shoulder to cry on when you started questioning school and what you were doing with your life. I saw you sinking, but was so wrapped up in myself and in my relationship that I wasn't there to keep you afloat. I'm sorry you had to live with someone you couldn't confide in.

Through all those apologies, though, I'd like to thank you. Although our friendship ended on a seriously sour note, it taught me what it means to be a true friend. YOU taught me what that means. You showed me unconditional love and support, and although we fought and had our differences, you were always there when I needed you. You showed me how to be a friend. I have some great friendships now, and I have you to thank for that. I wouldn't be the person I've become without you. I wouldn't be the mother I am today without you. Thank you for being a true friend, even when I couldn't return the favor.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve nothing less. And should you ever need me, for any reason at all, I'm always one phone call away.