1. First of all, always read the terms and conditions. No matter what.
2. Don’t battle your inner demons — befriend them.
3. Does your fruit look weird? Just eat it. Don’t ask questions.
4. Screaming only makes you more powerful.
5. Oh, and changing into a cute outfit also gives you more power.
6. If you break rich people’s belongings, you’ll earn six hot boyfriends as a reward.
7. Never build a wall around anything, cause some big-ass naked guy is going to break it.
8. Don’t trust girls. They will just die on you.
9. Try to avoid attempting to become a god, k?
10. Evolution is fake because Pokémon are fake.
11. But if you try hard enough, anime is real.
12. REAL heroes never know what the hell is going on.
13. Boobs are the ultimate comic relief.
14. And everyone’s just as messed up as you are. If they say they aren’t, they’re lying.
- The Women's March on Washington was one of the largest protests in the city's history.
- Trump's spokesman held a press conference to blame grass coverings for "minimizing" the crowd at the inauguration 🤔
- Members of the national security community reacted with shock after Trump used a visit to CIA headquarters to attack his critics.
- "SNL" featured a shirtless Vladimir Putin celebrating America's newest President.