An Open Letter To My College Bully
An open letter to the girl (and I say girl, because women empower and support each other) who bullied me in college:
I would like to tell you I'm sorry. Now, I know what you're thinking, that since you were the one who targeted me, maybe you're the one who should be apologizing. But I don't believe you're sorry, which is just one of the many reasons that I am. I'm sorry that you couldn't see what your words and actions did to me and to countless others you tormented. I'm sorry that you felt so poorly about yourself that you needed to put others down instead of helping them up. I'm sorry that you believed the cure to boredom was to invent stories about people who may or may not have been struggling, instead of contributing something positive and worthwhile to your community. I'm sorry that you wasted your creative energy on these stories, instead of using your gift of imagination to bring light and positivity into the lives of others. I'm sorry that you felt so lonely that you decided to align yourself with people who condoned your behavior, instead of seeking out the company of individuals with so much more to offer. I'm sorry that you were so insecure that you had to prey on what you perceived to be weaknesses in other people, instead of allowing them to show you their strengths. I'm sorry that due to your actions and ignorance, you missed out on wonderful friendships with incredible people who would have welcomed you into their arms in a heartbeat. I'm sorry that when you read this letter, you won't stop to think that it may be about you.
But here's why I'm not sorry. Actually, when I think of you, I feel grateful. Because of you, I am a stronger woman. I have learned to gracefully accept what you perceived to be flaws, and to allow myself to blossom under the care and guidance of true friends, men and women who appreciate my strengths and accept my supposed faults. Because of you, I have learned how not to treat others who are struggling. Because of you, I am more empathetic to the issues being faced by my friends and peers. Someone who is ill, or falls under the rainbow spectrum of LGBTQIA, or has special needs is still someone endowed with feelings and a heart that longs to be nurtured. Because of you, I have learned to be even more accepting of differences. Because of you, I am even more sure that I will raise my children to be open in both mind and heart, because I can't imagine having to feel that sinking feeling your family must have when they realize that you treat people the way that you do.
I can't give you all the credit for creating the strong woman I have become, however. My parents, the loving people you made snarky comments about, are the most caring and supportive people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I'm grateful to have benefitted from their wisdom. My friends, the ones whose differences you exploited, are strong, resilient people with so much to offer, and I'm so lucky to have learned from them. And then there's me. Above all, I'm proud of myself for rising above your treatment of me, and for realizing that not despite, but because of my differences, I am human. I am flawed. I am imperfect.
I'm pretty damn great.
And so I'm sorry. I'm sorry you didn't give yourself the chance to know me better, and that you will never again benefit from my friendship. And I'm grateful, because whether you realize it or not, you have helped me grow. And I'm happy. Because (again, in part thanks to you) I know who I am.
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