Being with your children during this holiday season can be very enjoyable, but it can also be very challenging. For every discussion, there's a chance it can be escalate into an argument. Or sometimes you are just frustrated because your children are asking you the same thing over and over and over again. Reassurance seeking is a huge part of OCD, and it's obviously one of the most annoying one for the family because this involves them in the compulsion. So if you think your children are doing things similar to reassurance seeking, here is 11 ways for you to know if it's just random or it's OCD.
1. Is your child asking you questions with an obvious answer?
Reassurance seeking is a compulsion. And just like with every compulsion, it can be very absurd. So the content of the question your children is asking doesn't really matter that much. However, in some cases, the question can have an very obvious answer. But your child just want you-his/her-parent, an authority figure that they trust, to tell him/her the answer out aloud. The question can be something like "We won't get robbed tonight, right?" He just want you to assure him that you won't get robbed so he can relax.
2. Is your child asking you the same thing over and over again?
A compulsion repeats. So even when you answered your child's question, he/she may still want to ask you again because in their mind, they just keep asking themselves "What if?" "What if we get robbed tonight?" "What if you can't predict the future and we do get robbed?" The sense of relief from your first answer is gone, so in order to achieve that feeling again, he/she will obviously have to ask you again.
3. Is your child asking you the same thing using different disguise?
But everyone, especially OCD sufferers, can get embarrassed by their own actions. People with OCD often are very sensitive. And they can feel ashamed easily. However, the urge to ritualize is just too strong; therefore, they will try to use a disguise and ask the same question in different ways. For the example I used above, you child may say "Our neighborhood is safe right?" "Are there any robberies happened lately around here?" to "manipulate" you into reassuring him/her.
4. Is your child asking you something that’s totally not related what’s going on?
Imagine this, you and your child are enjoying a nice documentary about the outer space. Suddenly, he asked you "Are you feeling okay?" The first thought appears in your mind may be "What's going on? Why is he asking this completely unrelated question?" Honestly, the reason is simple, this is just a reassurance that he needs to know you are healthy and won't die like what OCD is telling him.
5. Is your child asking the same thing to different members of the family?
There's another way to avoid annoy one person with the same question and feel embarrassed, which is to go and ask another family member. So if you and your husband/wife is constantly being asked the same questions, you should definitely be more vigilant.
6. Does your child seem very eager and anxious for the answer?
"Just say yes, please, just say yes!" This is what's going on in your child's mind. A simple "Yes" from you can give him an hour of relief, sounds like a nice bargain. Remember, the person asking for reassurance already have an answer in mind because like the word says, it's re-assurance, he/she isn't actually asking you a question they have no idea about.
7. Is your child able to do anything else without an answer?
As an OCD sufferer myself, I just can't use words to describe the feeling when your ritual is interrupted or "sabotaged". So much anger, so much anxiety and so much fear. If you deny to give an answer to your child and he/she appeared to be unable to anything else, then it's possibly that he/she is asking reassurance from you.
8. Is your child keep confessing to you?
Confessing is another form of reassurance, which means it's just another ritual. A ritual to "let someone know that you are having an obsessive thought in order to manipulate that person into telling you it's okay" *
9. Does your child’s mind seem drifting away from time to time?
That's mainly because your child may be reassuring himself/herself mentally; therefore, this involves a mental ritual. They may be trying to remember something they did or didn't do. Or they may be trying to tell themselves everything is fine.
10. Does your child talking to himself/herself a lot?
They may be using something called "Mental Review" or other mental rituals to reassure themselves that the bad thing is not going to happen or they did the right thing. If you notice your child talking to himself/herself repeatedly and looks anxious, do ask him/her what's going on.
11. Does your child seem very upset/very satisfied after you give him/her an answer?
The fact is that you can never guess the right answer to a reassurance question. You may get lucky or the answer is obvious, otherwise you may only make your child feel more upset because you can't give him/her what he/she want. Even if he/she seems satisfied after you answered him/her, he/she can still feel the uncertainty and ask you the same question again.
Reassurance seeking is something that affects so many people and families. In addition to that, it's really hard to identify since normal people seek reassurance sometimes, too. So with some careful observation and this article, I hope to provide a tool for the concerning parents, and I hope to give the opportunity for more OCD sufferers to get help and treatment early. If you are curious what you should do as a family member to your child's reassurance seeking, there will be another article about it. So like us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/ocdacceptance or follow us on Twitter: @memeforocd and go to http://ocdacceptance.com for more free articles like this about OCD and more.
*: Hershfield, Jon; Corboy, Tom (2013-12-01). The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbooks) (Kindle Locations 1210-1211). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.
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