Sure, you could spend thousands on invasive liposuction or tummy tucks, but then you wouldn't have the fun of pulling on a full-body stocking every morning.
Editorial note: Whoa! You've found a super-old post here on BuzzFeed, from an earlier era of the site. It doesn't really represent where we are anymore, and may in fact be totally broken, but we're leaving it up as a part of our early history.