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1. The Best Friend - No, I don't mean your "top" friend, or whatever name snapchat has given the people you snap the most. This spot is meant for the most heinous of selfies, the most barbaric and unruly pictures of yourself that you can possible muster. You know, the angle where the phones rests on your stomach captures the glory of those five double-chins piling from some unknown source of fat around your neck. These pictures are meant for the best of friends, and these friends know that screenshots are banned, an if performed, will accompany an angry text message in about .25 seconds telling you that if you do not delete your screenshot, the picture I have of you with your mustache-removal cream lathered above your upper lip will be all over social media.
2. The In-Betweeners - Let me be clear, these people do not receive customized messages or nasty selfies. These are the people that linger on your friend list because you want them to see the really funny stuff; like the giant, jacked-up truck with stickers that say "princess", or the guy with weird toenails sitting next to you. These people will get a snapchat here and there, just when you're feeling like sharing your friendship. But, again, will never breech the top friends list.
3. The Overzealous Fucker - This is the most hated person in the snapchat community. We get it, you love yourself, and you also seem to love sending pictures of yourself doing the most pointless shit in the world. Honestly, I did not know that there were even things as pointless as what you feel the need to share with me. If I get one more picture of you holding an animal, or telling me what color lipstick you're wearing, or proclaiming how terrible traffic is, while attempting "sexy eyes", I am going to send you back a picture of me shitting into your face via snapchat. STOP. This person is usually someone you were halfway friends with until making the mistake to add them on snapchat; in which case, they are no longer friend potential.
4. The Crush - Ah, we all have this one. This person receives only the most top-notch snaps. Obviously, you do not want to be like said fucker above, and send one million selfies a day, but an occasional selfie, when taken in the right light and angle, of course, is just what you crush needs to be reminded of how dainty and beautiful you are. A clever title usually accompanies the picture; just so there is an excuse for them to look at your gorgeous face and observe your five-star personality, at the same time. The really funny pictures can also go to this person, and when drinking, the amount sent usually increases.
5. Dick Pic Guy - Yep, you all know who I'm talking about. He sends you pictures of his dick and nothing else. This person is not to be confused with the crush, because this person does not receive pictures of your face or cute wit. No, this person receives mainly location snapchats, or things significantly, yet nonchalantly, aimed at them (snapchat stories are really good for the nonchalant aspect). Everything he sees is aimed at him sending more pictures of his member. You may have met this guy, you not have; I'm not judging. I am simply stating the fact that you will never get anything from this guy that is NOT sexually oriented. You become giddy whenever this person's name pops up with their little present, but sometimes at inopportune times; such as dinner with your best friend's parents. When you're in the mood you may have a flirtatious rendezvous via snapchat. This person is definitely one of the most valued on your friend list.
6. Why Are You Here? - I have around fifteen people on my friend list that I literally never snapchat. I have no idea why they are there, and I don't really remember adding them, or why I thought it would be a good idea. these people's names just kind of sit there, aimlessly, and neither receive nor send any snapchats. Their existence is usually only brought to attention when you see that they have viewed on of your snapchat stories; which can actually be slightly creepy.
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