1. "A small school in New Jersey" is your answer to the question "Where did you go for college?"
2. Your excitement at seeing the colors black and orange has nothing to do with Halloween.
3. You keep purchasing obnoxiously orange clothing, even as you know, deep down, it is most assuredly NOT your color.
4. Squirrels, particularly of the black variety, scare the living daylights out of you.
5. You took a class that was officially or unofficially called Rocks for Jocks, Stars for Stoners, or Physics for Poets.
6. Even though "Wawa" has the same number of consonants as "The Wa," no one ever called it "Wawa."
7. You've tried to explain what an "eating club" is. And then got frustrated and just said, "It's sort of like a frat? A co-ed frat? Where we eat?"
8. You've wondered where President Shirley Tilghman hid the weather machine.
9. Hoagie Haven is your Promised Land. And it just might take you 40 years to get there from Forbes.
And you'd gladly sell your soul for a "Phat Lady."
10. You've humped almost every door you've ever entered while trying to Prox yourself in.
11. You're not really sure when it happened, but Journey and Bon Jovi became the soundtrack to your life.
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And you kind of hate yourself for missing out when he was at the 25th last year.
12. You have a love/hate relationship with Rutgers that no one really understands.
13. You refer to Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Dartmouth, Brown, and Cornell as safety schools.
14. You keep forgetting that the University of Pennsylvania is an Ivy.
15. You have participated in an annual holiday known as "Newman's Day." Paul Newman had to officially deny any involvement because it's just that epic.
16. You watched "House" just to see the back of Frist in the opening credits.
17. You never ate breakfast, but always got Late Meal.
18. You know that DJ Bob pumps the sweetest jams.
19. Walking from Forbes to Charter was the longest walk you ever took on a Friday night.
20. You feel like a habitual name-dropper every time you mention your professors. "Oh yeah, T-Mo, I'm sorry, Toni Morrison, gave me a B+ on that paper."
21. You waited four years to walk out of Fitz-Randolph Gate.
22. You also spent four years finding every possible way to avoid walking IN Fitz-Randolph Gate.
23. The words "grade deflation" still fill you with impotent rage.
24. You've watched as turning in papers on Dean's Date evolved from a spectator sport to a full-blown circus.
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Turn in your papers on time, get kettle corn and ice cream. I can't hit deadlines anymore without salivating.
25. You either couldn't wait for a Holder Howl to start or you couldn't wait for the Holder Howl to end.
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Some of our traditions are awesome. Others are an acquired taste.
26. You have experienced the foul odor and rank, fetid taste of the swill called "Beast."
27. You may have played croquet ironically to freak out prospective students.
28. You have witnessed a Quidditch match outside buildings that look like J.K. Rowling herself dreamed them up.
29. You're offended when someone mispronounces "Mathey."
30. You're even more offended when someone doesn't capitalize the "R" in Reunions.
31. You've been McCoshed or PMC'ed. (Or is it UMCPP'ed now?)
32. You've sat on park benches, at desks, and in buildings older than this country. On campus.
33. You don't know what it means to actually care about football when you're not playing against Harvard or Yale.
34. You know that "The Street" is actually an avenue.
35. You know that two-ply can win elections.
36. You feel abject shame whenever someone mentions Eliot Spitzer.
37. You've been a victim of the extortion racket that is NJ Transit.
38. You know that "this door is a means of egress and must be recognizable as such at all times."
39. You still know the Triangle Club's "Honor Code" song by heart.
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You really wish you could forget it.
40. You've spent inordinate amounts of time stalking celebrity alumni on TigerNet.
41. You have an irrational hatred for any color described as "crimson."
42. Your pre-orientation program involved spending a week either sleeping in a fire station in Trenton or going without deodorant in the woods.
43. Graduation took three days. And you're not really sure which date to list as your actual graduation day.
44. You may not know all four verses to your alma mater, but you do know how to wave an imaginary top hat.
45. You return for Reunions every. single. year.
46. You know that this really is the "best damn place of all."
