1. “I knew I shouldn’t have favored my upper thighs when applying sunscreen…”
5. “I’m smiling because I know I look stupid.”
At least he embraces his goofy lines.
6. “Moving will not be on my agenda today.”
Slather on that aloe vera. No need to move.
9. “Darn those fishnets, always getting me into trouble.”
10. “Duck lips, a sexy tan, and a mirror selfie. Feelin’ good.”
11. “I’m reevaluating my decision to become a lifeguard.”
We feel your tan-line woes.
12. “Peeling is the ultimate form of punishment. I’ll go cry now.”
Yes, yes it is.
13. “I thought I missed a couple spots while applying sunscreen…”
No shit, Sherlock.
14. “But, like, do you think I can pull off this lobster-red look?”
15. “All I wanted was to be like Borat.”
Mission sort of accomplished?
16. “Note to self: never wear strappy sandals in summer weather again.”
17. “Whatever, mom, I still think my belly button ring is sexy.”
Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.
20. “I’ve crafted a scientific equation for how sunburns develop!”
- Arkansas carried out the first of two executions set for Monday, making way for the state to become the first in 15 years to execute two people in one night.
- "Stealthing," or purposefully removing a condom during sex without consent, has become a new trend. But victims say it is another form of assault.
- The same Russian hackers who interfered in the 2016 US presidential election are now active in German and French politics 💻
- A popular app changed the name of a filter after people complained it whitewashes them. The filter still lightens your skin though 🤔