Buzz Rebuttal: 17 Cooking Gadgets That Will Actually SAVE Humanity

A few days ago, Buzzfeed Food served up (get it? served. Zing!) a pretty humorous article, 17 Cooking Gadgets That Will Destroy Your Faith In Humanity. However, the Buzz was a little harsh on some of these creations! A lot of them were actually pretty cool and as a lazy person I would probably pay for some of them. After seeing the outraged comments of good people who just want to defend time-saving kitchen utensils, I knew I had to create a rebuttal.

1. The Robo Stir

Okay this one is easy. Why would you NOT want a robot mixing your food? It’s like you have a butler from the future.

2. The Perfect Meatloaf Pan

Ummmm. Okay sorry. I was blinded/distracted by how disgusting that meat loaf looks. Seriously Buzz? Did you see how fast that meat loaf flew out of that pan? Amazing! No more burnt edges for meat loaf fans. I’m going to stop talking about this now because "I would do anything for love" just popped into my head.

I think eating that loaf is the one thing Meat Loaf won't do for love.

3. Fat Magnet

Can I get one of these for my love handles? Cheaper than lipo. :/

4. Soda Caddy

Soda Caddy! You would be the coolest soccer mom at that pizza party.

5. The Dog Dicer

True story: When I was in the 2nd grade a kid at school CHOKED ON A WHOLE HOT DOG. And it was disgusting and terrible. He was okay, but this invention does reduce that from happening ever again. Check your facts Buzzfeed, that kid was the 1%. I just got real.

6. The Magic Tap

We have automatic doors don’t we? Same thing. Give me that automatic pour all day long. I want my drinks faster. Think of the time you will save. Plus, I’m pretty sure Obama has one of these and he’s a busy man.

7. Inflatable Buffet

Again easy. Don’t buy this only if you don’t want to be a PIMP at your next pool party. This inflatable buffet has multiple party uses, is water proof and in general just plain impressed with its own badassery. Moving on.

8. My Spoon & My Bowl

As Buzzfeed commenters pointed out this is clearly for little kids. Or the hung over.

9. The Pasta Boat

I have been in my office plenty of times wishing I had the tools to whip up some pasta. Sadly, I didn’t have the pots, pans or stove necessary. Also, who wants to be the office jerk boiling water? This is the microwavable dream office workers have been craving.

10. Cupcake Secret

I don’t want to be friends with someone who wouldn’t want a surprise in their cupcake. Also, come on Buzz, you honestly think the spikes stay in the cupcake? Medieval torture tools and cupcakes aren’t even on the same level.

11. Better Bagger

Humans only have two arms, but with The Better Bagger now you have FOUR. Helpful.

12. The Bacon Wave

See #9 and replace pasta with bacon.

13. Chips & Dips

This is the one that made me mad. I need this for my Friday- night- in- bed- Netflix- date- nights WITH MYSELF. Stop hating Buzzfeed. I don’t want chips and or dips all over my bed.

14. The Party Plate

This is for people who are tired of other people judging them all the time. So… hipsters. Could you not imagine a hipster walk into a Brooklyn loft party with one of these babies? I can and it’s glorious.

15. The Bottle Cap Buddy

Bugs in beers are no joke. And why stop at bugs? Don’t let anything fall in your beer, ever. The Bottle Cap Buddy also helps you keep track of which beer is yours with its brightly covered caps. Cause I can’t be the only person who has been overly possessive of their beer. Another true story time: One time I brought my own beer to a BYOB party and someone drank all my beer. That wouldn’t have happened with Bottle Cap Buddy!

16. Rotato Express

I give this thing 10,000 points for its awesome name. Rotato Express. Its name says exactly what it does. Potatoes are a bitch to peel no matter what all those annoying Pinterest "Time-Saver" cooking tips tell me.

17. The Rollie Eggmaster

All I know is that this looks like an egg push pop. I will give it points for making me want a push pop.

LOOK AT IT:

So I mean you can fight about whether these products are either amazing or amazingly terrifying. No one really cares, buy what makes you happy. It's that simple.

Seriously Chips and Dips, I'm coming for you.

P.S. Do yourself a favor and watch the infomercials in the links. Pure gold.