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8 Ken Dolls From The '90s That Did Not Give Any F*cks

Oh, Ken, what the hell was going on with you in the '90s?

1. Glitter Beach Ken


I don't know what beach Ken is going to dressed like that, but my best guess, based on his lavender crop top and glittery floral shorts, is that Glitter Beach isn't just the name of this collection, but was also code for something else.

2. Shaving Fun Ken


You know what little girls probably don't think about? Shaving a man's face. Also, I don't know why they decided to make Ken look like a fifth-year college student who smokes pot all day and plays Hacky Sack on the quad, while listening to Dave Matthew Bands CDs from a boom box.

3. United Colors of Benetton Ken

Is this the type of clothes United Colors of Benetton sold an the early '90s? 'Cause Ken looks like he is one turquoise necklace away from looking like a New Hampshire retiree who now sells self-made pottery in New Mexico.

4. Butterfly Art Ken

Um, I guess in the '90s Ken was into getting butterfly lower-back tattoos? At least it wasn't tribal or Chinese symbol tattoo Ken.

5. Totally Hair Ken


There's so much going on here it's confusing! The hair looks like it will take at least 75% of the Dep gel bottle to tame. Meanwhile the shirt says "Yeah, I'm going to an Austin Powers-themed costume party," while the pants look like something a Florida retiree would wear to walk their Yorkie around their retirement community. Basically someone was clearly on something when designing this doll.

6. Sun Sensation Ken


Based on Ken's gold mesh crop top and lime booty shorts, I'm assuming Sun Sensation was the name of a West Hollywood dance club in the '90s.

7. Rappin' Rockin' Ken


Yup, in the early '90s Ken gave us his biggest WTF moment when he tried to pass himself off as a rapper. He was so badass that he even matched his teal pants to his boom box.

8. Earring Magic Ken

Probably Ken's biggest GIVE NO FUCKS moment ever. I mean he literally wore a cock ring around his neck — OK so it wasn't an intentional cock ring. And clearly, based on his appearance, he was targeting himself to a consumer other than little kids.

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