1. Oscar Mayer's "Sack O' Sauce in a Can O' Meat"
Nothing says "fresh cooked" like canned hot dogs!
2. E-Z Serve Liver Loaf
Beef liver is generally disgusting; eating it cold from a can sounds downright nauseating.
3. Burns canned meat.
Bologna is already slimy and gross, so it makes sense that it would be canned. But hamburgers! This is just plain un-American.
4. Armour Star Ribs in a Can
This is just dog food with bones.
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5. Burns Spork and Speef
What the hell is Speef and Spork? Decorating the Speef with cloves and pimentos does not even disguise the fact that it looks like a can of turd.
6. Hormel Whole Chicken
Hormel's pitch could not make this sound any more unappetizing:
"eat it cold as it comes from the can."
7. Swifts Meats for Babies
Why buy expensive formula when your baby is more than capable of digesting pork at three weeks of age? And it comes in a variety of flavors: veal, liver, and heart.
Remember, your baby is never to young to get gout.
Bonus: Jarred Tamales
Slimy, cold, and wrapped in parchment paper, just like my abuela used to make.
