12 Ways To Get A Girl To Go Out With You

“Can I buy you a drink?” “No.”

1. Buy her a book

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Alternatively you can give her a library.

2. Give her your Netflix password

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The modern “dinner and movie” is Netflix and pizza. Speaking of which…

3. Follow her home and deliver her a pizza

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If you see a girl you like, follow her until she goes home. Once you know where she lives, go to the nearest pizza place and buy one large pizza. You might be a stalker, but you have pizza.

4. Buy her concert tickets

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“I couldn’t help but notice your adorable and not all uncomfortable public dancing to Shake It Off, want to go see Taylor Swift?”

5. Pretend you're a secret agent and you need her help

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If she’s alone hurriedly sit at her table, maybe jump in her car/taxi, or just start walking with her and hold her hand. Explain to her you’re being followed by very dangerous people and she needs to act natural. Bonus points if you have a motorcycle and bag presumably filled with money or the secret formula for saving the human race. She might freak out and/or punch you in the face for being so invasive OR it might be totally awesome.

6. Ask her if she wants to go out for some caramels

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Preface by telling your friends: “I gotta go see about a girl.” Caramels are just as arbitrary as coffee and if she doesn’t get the reference it’s not your fault.

If you got all 3 references, A+. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading now and take 2 hours and 6 minutes out of your day to watch one of the best movies ever made.

7. Buy her ice cream

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It is scientifically proven* that no one can deny ice cream.

*No, it’s not. But it might as well be.

8. Gather up your acapella buddies and serenade her

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Bonus points if you have flowers.

9. Hang out the side of your best friend’s ride and try to holler at her

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Just kidding, she don’t want no scrubs.

10. Look her up and down and say “How you doin’?”

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WARNING: If she hasn’t seen Friends she will think you are extremely creepy. (But she hasn’t seen Friends, so it wouldn’t work out anyway)

11. Call her name, hand her a rose and ask if she will accept it

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If she accepts, go on an extremely extravagant first date (e.g. helicopter ride over the city, go to a recording studio to be serenaded by Seal, ride a gondola in Venice) and share way more about your life story than you would in any normal first date circumstance.

12. Run up to her, tag her, yell “you’re it,” then run away

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If she plays along, run to a place that has delicious cheeseburgers.