26 Of The Funniest Things People Have Said In Their Sleep

“My husband farted and said, ‘Damn, girl, shut your ass.’”

We asked the BuzzFeed Community for the funniest thing they’ve heard someone say in their sleep. Here are the hilarious results.

–Alexandria Flint, Facebook Disney / Art by Loryn Brantz

2. “I cuddled up extra close to my girlfriend and whispered, ‘I love you, no matter what you drop in the toilet.’”
–Zack Jacobs, Facebook

3. “I accuse my husband of neglecting our pet turtles in my sleep. I ask if he’s fed them, if he’s brought them inside, etc. We don’t even have turtles.”
–Jackie Rowland, Facebook

4. “My husband rolled over and said, ‘Your mother ate my hot dog — I will send her to the seventh circle of hell.’”
–Jessica Lynn Starkey, Facebook

6. “One night, I got out of bed to pee and my sleeping boyfriend grabbed me by the underwear and yelled, ‘WHERE ARE YOU GOING?’ I said, ‘To pee!’ to which he replied, ‘For FUCK’S SAKE, Heather, it’s always something with you.’”
heatherg29

7. “My grandma was sleeping on the couch and told me, ‘If people come here asking what oysters are, say you don’t know.’”
cscarol

8. “One time, I threw my mom’s phone across the room and yelled, ‘IT’S TOO LATE!’”
amalk486b

10. “The first time my husband told me he loved me was when he was sleep talking. He rolled over, slapped my butt really hard, and said, ‘I love you, big pig.’”
–Mehgan Cash, Facebook

11. “My boyfriend sang, ‘MY PENIS HAS A FIRST NAME…’ to the tune of the Oscar Mayer Wiener theme song.”
sashar2

12. “My fiancé woke me up in the middle of the night and very seriously said, ‘Babe, would you be mad if I put a roll of paper towels on the floor and peed on it?’ I yelled back, ‘Why? Did you?!’ He smiled and said, ‘Nope!’, then he rolled over and went back to sleep.”
katiep4ab

14. “My husband said, ‘Dude, I can’t believe how ripped Hitler was.’”
–Autumn Carter, Facebook

15. “When my husband and I first started dating, the FIRST time I heard him sleep talk he said, ‘Goddamn gophers — eating my fucking carrots.’”
–Krystal Mar’Shay Nobles, Facebook

16. “My husband randomly blurted out, ‘Roxy, you can’t just BUY Canada!’”
–Roxana Waterman, Facebook

jackig4a37 Comedy Central

18. “’It’s not my responsibility to keep the goats warm.’ –My husband”
shellbellgibbo80

19. “One time my boyfriend mumbled, ‘Hey, nice boat.’ I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly so I said, ‘What?’ He sat up, eyes still closed, leaned toward me and yelled, ‘BOAT’ in my face.”
liaseth

20. “At a sleepover once, my cousin yelled ‘HAAAAAAAM!!’ and nearly made everyone shit their pants.”
shayleew

21. “I was staying at my cousin’s house and she literally shot up and screamed, ‘Give me back my fucking Lego, David.’”
aoibhc

ch8291 Paramount Pictures

23. “One night my sister laughed like she was possessed, stopped suddenly, and calmly whispered ‘…sausages’ and then went back to sleep.”
aidanmilan

24. “When it was just my sister and me in the car, she suddenly asked in a slightly frightened tone, ‘Why does the pony only wear pants?’ The weirdest part was that she said it in English — we’re Norwegian.”
–Sara Kristoffersen, Facebook

25. “Just give her the sauce and let her dance.”
jaemcd

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