1. An Open Letter From A Stalker
To the person i saw that one time who looked vaguely familiar,
Hey. Remember that time i saw you at that one place? You looked vaguely familiar. Where do I know you from? The free clinic? My weekly quilting club? That one place that sells that stuff I like? I felt we had a connection even though I’m sure you were purposely avoiding my stare as I stalked you around the place. I like to think you were just being coy.
Then I saw you again at that other place we both like to go! I knew our love to be true when you left as soon as you saw me. We would be a good match, like peanut butter and kittens or machetes and prostitutes. We already have stories for the grandkids like that one time I saw you and thought you looked familiar. Remember that? Aw….memories!
So next time our paths cross, avoid me at all costs; that’s how I’ll know you love me too. I also noticed you looked a little dumb so don’t ever talk to me or the magic will be lost.
Love you forever (or until I find someone better to stalk),
PS…Do you like knives?
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