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126 Thoughts You Have While Watching "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" For The First Time

My brain is draining out of my ears.

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1. What is this kid doing.

2. Okay so her little brother just has a spy camera tied to a car. Nothing pervy about that.

3. So the cartoon is her Jiminy Cricket?

4. Omg this girl does a really good job of being a bitch.

5. LIZZIE MCGUIRE YOU ARE AN OUTFIT REPEATER!!

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6. "Before she became popular" so true. All bullies were nice before they got popular.

7. This is so boring.

8. Matt's shopping list: Spy tools and buckets of hair gel.

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9. OMG SHE JUST FELL IT'S ALL OVER.

10. Oh it's Louis Griffin.

11. Did she say that some kids chose to go to a WATER PARK instead of ROME.

12. FUCKING ROME.

13. Gordo has a trendy mechanics shirt on in purple LOL so hip.

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14. OMG on a plane! Enjoying themselves!

15. I wish plane trips were this fun.

16. I HAVE JUST BEEN TOLD THAT THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS GORDO IS 25 IN THIS.

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17. Oooh, Italian music. I guess they're in Italy.

18. There are so many montages in this movie.

19. In fact this whole movie is a montage.

20. I haven't been to Rome but I assume everyone just rides scooters around correct?

21. According to this movie, yes.

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22. They're staying in a 5 star hotel.

23. When I went on a school trip we stayed in bunk beds and there were cockroaches on the floor.

24. Wait, hold up. Why does this woman think it's okay to keep calling Gordo "brown-noser."

25. Kinda really rude.

26. Not to mention totally unprofessional.

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27. Now Gordo is wearing a shirt that says St Peters on it. Does he only own clothes with names on them.

28. "You've gotta make your own luck in this world" - actually good advice.

29. SLOW MOTION COIN FLIP.

30. OKAY OLIVE SKINNED 'ITALIAN' GUY WITH TINTED BLUE SUNGLASSES

31. "Italian ice cream has twice the sugar of American ice cream" For real?

32. Who the fuck is the Paolo guy.

33. "You're lika two pods in a pea" LOL OMG HE TALK FUNNY THAT'S CUTE RIGHT?!!!?

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34. Sudden realization LIZZIE MCGUIRE IS IN THE 8TH GRADE WHAT IS GOING ON I MEAN COME ON.

35. WHAT 12 YR OLD PLANS TO ESCAPE WITH AN ITALIAN CELEB.

36. Although they say women mature younger.

37. "We will see each other." Nothing creepy about that.

38. Still, Lizzie was so superior to Miley goddammit.

39. Uh oh Lizzie is sick! (doubt it)

40. Everyones accents are so, so bad.

41. Is this guy a doctor?

42. He has no clue.

43. THE FASHION IN THIS MOVIE MY GOD.

44. "THIS IS ROME! NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE!" hahahah! Yay for not considering how our actions might effect others! haha!

45. Another montage, another love interest.

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46. Oop here's Matt back with his hair gel!

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47. HE has a blue helmet and SHE has a pink one! lol!

48. Okay does the teacher woman just carry around a SPEAKER phone?

49. The acting is making my soul cringe.

50. There's a lot of Paolo skipping away and Lizzie skipping away after him.

51. *drink every time Paolo's accent slips*

52. Okay so she just meets this Italian guy who asks her for a super complicated SUPER weird help in some SUPER DIFFERENT CULTURE and she's just like "oh yeah good idea lol!"

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53. Is it weird that Matt and that blonde girl he is doing a group project with almost replicate EXACTLY the Gordo / Lizzie look?

54. Not sure if that's deliberate.

55. "He doesn't like her. Like, he does, like a sister. Not romanticly." DUMBBBBB

56. Ethan Craft what the heck. Who is this guy.

57. "Word." omg.

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58. OMG MATT HAS FIGURED IT OUT. THERE'S A BRUNETTE ITALIAN THAT LOOKS LIKE THE BLONDE AMERICAN LIZZIE!!!

59. MATT IS THE GOD DAMN HERO OF THIS MOVIE.

60. Him and his hair gel, I mean.

61. "If i show this to my mum Lizzie will be so BUSTED!" ha, what a dick.

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62. Did Hilary write every song in this.

63. I'm by no means saying she should.

64. Every thing Lizzie wears is a window into the shattered reality that was the early '00s.

65. Guy's hairstyles in this show - Middle parting, gelled hair.

Girls - blonde and down or brunette and down.

66. Also seems like the image of 'high fashion' is a lot of stuff on your head.

67. Oh is this Lizzie Mcguire's plastic surgery scene.

68. LIZZIE WAS JUST SURROUNDED BY ELECTRONIC CABLES AND ONE SPARKED AND SHE COULD HAVE BEEN GOD DAMN ELECTROCUTED AND EVERYONE WAS JUST LIKE "LOL!"

69. Lizzie Mcguire - awkward encompassed.

70. Now she's dressed up like Marie Antoinette.

71. Is it wrong to say Paolo looks like Fez?

72. I ONLY JUST FIGURED OUT THEY THINK SHE'S ITALIAN LIZZIE.

73. LOOK AT LIZZIE'S HAIR IN THIS MOVIE.

74. EVERY SHOT SHE HAS A DIFFERENT LOOK.

75. BRAIDS. BRAIDS. BRAIDSSSSSSSSS.

76 "WHERES THE ZOOM ON THIS THING" 2nd time zoom has been dropped.

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77. i sense sexual tension between Sergei and aggressive teacher woman.

78. Again, we're back at the hotel and it looks like a fucking MANSION.

79. Lizzie "jean jacket" Mcguire

80. "Dorkerella" - good one. ugh.

81. "I think paolo really does like me" = WRONGGGGGG

82. GORDO HAS FIGURED THIS OUT. PAOLO IS A DICKWAD. MATT HAS FIGURED IT OUT, TOO.

83. WAKE UP LIZZIE MCGUIRE.

84. Matt just said he did an "e search" on Italy.

85. Christ the internet has come a long way.

86. Lizzie's mum is a massive fan of the high waisted pants.

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87. IS PAOLO DRIVING A GOKART.

88. wut wut wut wut wut

89. This is so heartbreaking. Just sitting here, watching Paolo abuse the trust given to him by Lizzie whilst GORDO, THE NICE GUY, SITS AROUND BEING SMART & SAD.

90. ANOTHER MONTAGE. HOW MANY. HOW MANY OF THESE.

91. Quick dialogue.

92. AAAAAAAANDDDD ANOTHER MONTAGE.

93. WAIT WHAT THE HELL. THEY'RE ON A PLANE NOW TO MEET THEIR DAUGHTER IN ITTTTAAALLLY??!!!

94. BECAUSE THEY MISS HER????

95. SHE'S GONNA BE BACK IN A WEEK! A WEEK!

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96. now the teahcer is calling Gordo a brownnoser AGAIN! LIKE WHAT? THAT'S NOT OKAY.

97. Lizzie Micguire is not a good lip syncher = Hilary Duff is a good syncher.

98. Hilary Duff does this thing a lot where she smiles and then bites her bottom lip idk i like it sorry.

99. DANCE MONTAGE.

100. GOD THIS IS CRINGE.

101. DANCE CLASS IN MY PURPLE SURONG, RED HEELS.

102. Well hasn't she gotten good in 20 seconds.

103. no montages no movie.

104. "Ayeeeeeessssss"

105. "I can't even."

106. Eye shadow and brown hair = new LIZZIE! ITALIAN LIZZIE!

107. Who wrote this and thought it was achievable to get Hilary Duff to do an Italian accent.

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108. "You know things are bad when Kate starts making sense." = Kate is the government.

109. Ethan Craft has no brain cells but i guess that doesn't matter when you have a sweet middle part and somehow understand muscle development at the age of 12.

110. And a choker necklace.

11. Now we're at the premiere.

112. And Lizzie has glitter on her...face...

113. So everything finally got explained to Lizzie. Thank God. Hopefully she believes it.

114. AHHHH SOMEONE GRABBED HER BEFORE SHE AND ITALIAN SHE COULD MAKE A PLAN.

115. LIZZIE MCGUIRE / ITALIAN LIZZIE HAS BOOKED OUT THE FUCKING COLLE-FUCKING-SEUM.

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116. ITALIAN LIZZIE JUST THREW MASSSSSSSIVE SHADE.

117. Oh I kinda feel bad for Paolo.

118. Bodyguard dude just also threw shade at him.

119. In the space of 30 seconds Paolo has lost everything. What a metaphor for life.

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120. WTF THE PARENTS JUST SHOW UP LIKE WHAT?! WHAT?! HOW DID THEY EVEN GET HERE?

121. SO NOW AMERICAN LIZZIE IS SINGING AND SHE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE ITALIAN LIZZIE WHEN SHE SINGS WUT

122. BODYGUARD JUST SMILED AT TEACHER OHHHHH CALLED IT THEY GAWNA FUCK.

123. i cut out a lot after the boring as hell concert scene because NOWWWWWW the bodyguard and the teacher are all cutesy.

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124. The BuzzFeed girls are freaking out. Apparently Gordo is about to kiss Lizzie. Spolier a-fucking lert.

125. So they kissed and Gordo was just like "thanks."

126. The end.

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