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A Day In The Life Of An Australian Who Hates The Cold

Waking up barefoot on the cold, hard, floor tiles like...

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7 a.m. - You take that first barefoot step out of bed onto the cold, hard, tiles / floorboards in the morning. Your body aches.

7:10 a.m. - You spend 10 minutes crawling to the shower and that hot water finally hits you like GODDAMN GOLD.

7:25 a.m.- You finally get out of the shower, seeing yourself in the mirror for the first time.

8 a.m. - You're dry now, and the warmth of the shower is long gone. So you rug up in layers and layers of clothing - raising your body temperature to the level of fresh toast.

9 a.m. - You get to work. You're quick to let everyone know just what it's like outside.

9:30 a.m. - You head back outside for coffee, forgetting how cold it is and also forgetting your jacket.


9:40 a.m. - But then you get your coffee and it's allllllllll goooood.

10 a.m. - You realise you actually have to get some work done. It's hard to focus when you're cold. It's hard to do most things, really.

11:30 a.m. - Someone in the office complains that the heating has made the office "too warm". You wonder if they would prefer to stay in the arctic outside.


12 p.m. - Someone announces that the heating will be turned off after "many" complaints.


12:30 p.m. - It's lunchtime. You're happy. You like food. Food is good.

12:35 p.m. - But then you get outside and feel the cold air on your poor, chilled, skin.


12:40 p.m. - As you walk to the food court, it begins to rain.

Shout out to pathetic fallacy AMIRIGHT?!

12:55 p.m. - You get to the food court (finally) and see all the options. Pho. Pasta. Soup. Every food imaginable to warm up your cold body.

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12:56 p.m. - Then you see the lines and realise you're gonna have to wait in one, in the rain. And you haven't got your umbrella either. :(

1:20 p.m. - You finally get your lunch. It's nice, but all the waiting (in the rain) means you only have 10 minutes left to eat. Also, all the tables inside are taken :(. So you just head back to work and decide to eat it at your desk.

1:25 p.m. - It's eatin' time. And you're ready to warm up. This is the single greatest moment in your day, and you're here for it. To top it all off, the heating has been put back on. You put on a jumper anyway, just because.


2:30 p.m. - Someone asks everyone in the office if they want coffee and you're like:

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2:40 p.m. - You have your coffee. You watch the rain come down through the office window.


3:30 p.m. - Someone comes by your desk and says something jokingly about the amount of layers you're wearing and it's like, "Dude, I don't like being cold. Sorry?"

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5 p.m. - It's time to head home, which kinda sucks because it means standing outside in the cold, waiting for a bus / train. BUT it means you're getting closer to snuggling up on the couch. So...

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5:35 p.m. - You arrive home. But the house is suffering from having no one in it all day and it's FREEZZZZINNNNGGG.


5:40 p.m. - Not wanting to spend too much on the heating bill, you rug up (maybe put on your dressing gown) which acts as a sweet, sweet embrace. A warm hug from a friend.

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6 p.m. - But you're still freezing. You can only last so long. You put on the heater and sit in front of it. It is GLORIOUS.

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8 p.m. - After some TV time with the heater and a lovely dinner, you go upstairs and run a bath. This needs to be done. It's far too cold to cope, otherwise.

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You ignore your housemate who mocks you for your routine baths.

8:05 p.m. - Before you get in the bath, you put the heater on in your room. Then you close the blinds. Then you put on your electric blanket. Finally, you return to the bathroom for your bath - knowing you'll return to a hot oven of anti-coldness.


8:45 p.m. - You get out of the bath, dry off, and head straight to your (now) toasty bedroom. The bed embraces you.


You have avoided the cold (kinda) for today - but tomorrow you must do it all again.