1. Australia is just one big red desert.
Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, Perth, Hobart, Darwin, Adelaide, Brisbane - and also pretty much every city in Australia - doesn’t have “a big red desert” going through the middle of it. Okay, Darwin does a little bit.
2. Every animal is trying to kill you.
See this? This is an Australian Shepherd. A dog. We have them too.
3. Australians are always drunk.
So what if we like to have a good time? No more than anyone else…
4. All Australians eat is Vegemite.
Ah, yeah, Vegemite is fricken’ awesome? But it’s not all we eat.
5. All Australians ride kangaroos to work.
Fuck this movie, man.
6. Every Australian can surf.
I mean, I guess we could if we tried. But it’s not something taught as soon as we exit the womb.
8. All Australians are really, really tan.
There’s nothing healthy about a tan, dude.
9. Australians cook all their food on a “barbie.”
Look, we love barbecues just as much as the next hungry human, but it’s not ALL WE USE. We also use a grill pan, which gets us pretty much the same thing without going outside.
10. It never snows in Australia, it’s just ALWAYS HOT.
THIS IS AN ECHIDNA WALKING IN THE SNOW YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.
12. All Australians are OBSESSED with AC/DC.
So what if we are? They’re a good band. And they have a good pinball machine.
13. All Australians drink Fosters.
STOP. IT’S HARD TO EVEN GET IT HERE AND EVEN THEN WHY WOULD YOU? STOP THIS RIGHT. GODDAMN. NOW.
14. Australia has no culture.
THIS IS AN ART GALLERY. WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST.
15. Australians drive on the wrong side of the road.
You drive on the wrong side of the road!
16. Australian only eat meat.
Everyone knows that sausages aren’t really meat.
17. Australians live for meat pies.
It’s a convenient snack, okay!? That’s all.
18. Australians also live for Tim Tams.
In a way, yes we do. But you’re forgetting a BUNCH of other classics. Hellooooooo Monte Carlos.
19. Australians wear thongs all day, every day.
It’s really kind of only a summer thing.