back to top

16 Reasons We Should Just Accept Spiders As Our Benevolent Overlords

I for one welcome them.

Posted on

1. Spiders have slowly but surely strategically positioned themselves for a global takeover.

2. Sure, we originally considered it normal to find them scattered throughout nature.

3. But they are angry. Angry at what has routinely been done to their brethren, by us - the greediest and cockiest of the animals.

4. You might think this spider is engaging in a light-hearted fist bump, but what it's really doing is saying "I own you."

5. Unable to be content with their own nets, they have gained control of our internet.

Masters of the net.

Masters of the net.

6. They have taken to the water.

7. They are in our food.

8. They have signals only they understand.

9. They have taken to the skies.

10. They watch us at all times, waiting.

11. And monitor our cleanliness, planning to attack when we are at our most weak.

12. They are reproducing at an astounding rate, readying themselves for the impending inter-species war.

13. And they are happy to take their time.

14. They watch over our cities.

15. They devour their lesser enemies.

16. And they well and truly do not fear us. Bow down now, and you may be spared.