Karen! Here Are 5 Pictures That Prove I Was Hanging With The Guys Last Night.

I don't even know any girls named Sarah!

1. Me and Jon Playing Foosball

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Look, I'm beating him! Can you believe the shirt he has on? I swear, I don't know where all those texts came from. It must be a wrong number. I mean, maybe the guy she meant to text has my name too. It's a common name!

2. The Gang's All Here!

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See? We got the waiter to take a picture of all us. It was Tim's birthday. You haven't met him or the other guys. They're all new co workers. The thing you found on my neck isn't a hickey- it's, uh, a bruise from a pencil eraser! I was walking and uh, tripped! Yeah, that's what happened. Good thing it wasn't pointing the other way.

3. Can You Believe We Ran Into Paul Rudd??!!!

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He was personable and wasn't hesitant at all to grab a pic with us. He's giving me bunny ears - what a goof! Please babe, answer your phone. That perfume smell came from walking through Macy's. I bought you something really nice as a surprise, just because I love you.

4. I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing!

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I think this steak weighed more than Rosco! He's *my* dog - don't take him with you. I know we stopped using birth control because we've been together for 7 years. The condoms you found in my wallet were for me to pass out to teens on the train. It just seemed like the responsible thing to do. I swear babe - I don't know who this girl is that's sending me messages on Facebook. It has to be a scam or something.

5. Look, I'm Holding Up A Newspaper With The Time And Date As Proof

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Jesus Christ, Karen. Let me in the apartment. It's cold. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you. I love you, babe. I don't even make eye contact with other girls in the office. Your friend Mary is insane. She must have seen a guy that looked like me with a beautiful, tall, blonde girl that actually sleeps with me instead of making excuses about how she doesn't feel like it because she's not over her fathers death. You know how Mary gets! She's nuts! Babe please OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!!!