1. You worry people make fun of your possibly out-of-date cell phone.
2. You feel guilty consuming anything with caffeine.
3. You have trouble forming close friendships, because you think people are easily replaceable.
4. You're suspicious of cleaning ladies.
5. You're self-conscious about how you look working out at the gym.
6. You don't trust anyone to watch your pets when you go on vacation.
7. Whenever something good happens to you, you immediately suspect you're on Candid Video.
8. You can't rock out in your living room without the fear of breaking something valuable.
9. You don't trust your significant other to work late with attractive co-workers.
10. You don't like to be set up on blind dates, out of fear it will be your best friend in drag.
11. You're disillusioned by celebrities.
12. You don't know how to resolve conflicts without a wheelbarrow race, dance-off, and/or bake-off.
13. You avoid financial investments, out of fear they will backfire horribly and/or ironically.
14. You can't maintain a healthy relationship without advice from a hotline.
15. You have unrealistic expectations about your time-management abilities.
16. You treat your electronic devices like friends and cry when they don't love you back.
17. You fear change.
18. You keep waiting for a bell to save you, but it never rings.
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