Dear Daddy,
It's me, Sebastian -- your pride and joy. Normally you post photos of me at my cutest or of you enjoying the stages of fatherhood. Good for you, keep up that ruse. Right now, I need to clear the air.
I know you've never been "a morning person". But I am. Actually, I'm more of a "me person", but for the intents of this note I'll just keep it simple for your sleepy mind. You see, I will continue to wake up at 5am whether you like it or not. I cannot be bribed (but let's revisit soon) and I cannot be reasoned with. I am a rockstar and you are my errand boy. And can you blame me? I just got this whole object permanence thing sorted out and I want to play when I want, how I want.
I don't care that the new season of House of Cards came out. You and Mommy should know staying up past 10pm on a Saturday isn't in the cards (see what I did there?). Frank Underwood is a total jerk anyway... On second thought, maybe take note of the demeanor and devotion of his subservient staff. That might help.
But really Pops, you're overlooking the fundamental truth; your son comes from a long line of brats. It's called 'karma'. Look it up. The sooner you accept this, the sooner we can go back to you posting adorable photos of me and taking credit for my cuteness. That's the arrangement. Stop being such a baby.
Warm regards,
Sebastian (9.5 months)
P.S.
I think I just pooped again.
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