1. You can't say the word "walk" without your dog developing certain expectations.
2. When you let you dog out, he will immediately start scratching on the door to come back in.
And once you let him back in, naturally, he will want to go back outside.
3. You will experience the very real panic of your dog pooping when you forgot to bring a bag.
4. There will be awkward moments when your dog is overly excited to meet another dog.
But the other dog is just NOT having it.
5. Or awkward moments when you go in for the kiss, and your dog is just like "nu-uh honey."
6. You might engage in failed games of fetch because your dog won't bring back the ball.
7. If you have guests over, your dog might exhibit some inappropriate behavior.
8. If you turn your back for one second, you might find that your meal has mysteriously vanished.
9. But don't even thing about trying to take your dog's food away.
10. Your dog might make the inexplicable decision to poop on the sidewalk rather than the grass.
And inevitably, as you get down and dirty to scoop the poop...
Pedestrians will pass by and disdainfully glance at you.
11. Your "quick walks" won't actually be so quick because your dog will stop to sniff everything. Literally EVERYTHING.
Every dog butt.
And every sunbathing human butt.
12. Sometimes, your dog might be more interested in your TV show than you are.
13. Your dog might cheekily do his business in forbidden locations.
And you will be forced to make like a tree and get the HELL outta there.
14. When your dog sits in front of you and gazes longingly into your eyes...
It's not because he loves you, it's because he wants you to take him for a walk.
15. But sometimes, even when your dog is so FREAKING excited for you to walk him...
At some point he might decide he's just about had it with the whole "walking" thing.
16. And sometimes, just sometimes, your dog might exhibit manners even better than yours.
17. And he might offer you a shoulder to cry on when you're in need.
18. And you will realize that, despite all his doggy shenanigans, you couldn't imagine life without him.
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