1. You've got a cat that's willing to high-five people in a touchdown situation.
2. Your snack cabinet runneth over. And everyone knows it.
3. Every system of public transportation stops literally outside your door.
4. Your couch is made from the feathers of actual angels.
5. Your magical TV is designed to make sure that everyone has a good view of the action.
6. Those banished to the floor due to lack of seats are pleased to find adorable dogs to keep them company.
7. You either have no neighbors, or your neighbors are the chillest people on earth.
8. Your Wi-Fi network is called "Bill Wi, the Science Fi," and that's adorable.
9. Speaking of internet — you've got the fastest, so you've always got the most up-to-date stats.
10. Your bathroom is far from the TV room, and you've got FaNcY SoApS!
11. The picture on your television is so clear that everyone can easily live vicariously through professional football players...
...and forget about their athletic shortcomings.