1. The leg press.

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More like... egg press.
2. The scissor kick nightmare that scientifically angles your farts to be as loud as humanly possible.

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3. This hanging bench that uses gravity to push your farts out at nose level.

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4. The rowing machine.

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More like... blowing machine.
5. The squat machine.

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You can't spell "I have to knock out some squats before we leave" without "butt squeaks."
6. This somewhat erotic-looking leg press contraption.

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7. The trampoline, probably.

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8. That elevated kicking thing that's always in the corner of the gym.

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For good reason.
9. And whatever this thing is.

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C'mon.