First off, the decorating starts the day after Halloween.
Last minute Christmas shopping requires years of training and brass knuckles.
Christmas dinner consists of 30 very hungry relatives packed into one house.
Preparing the turkey can be life threatening.
You, your sibling and your cousins sneak away to start pre-gaming your pre-game.
When dinner is ready, the loudest relative of loud relatives rounds everyone up.
The smorgasbord consists of about 40 kinds of dishes but you're not intimidated.
You reach for food only to have your hand smacked away because no one said Grace yet.
Everyone eats until it's impossible to eat anymore...
At least until dessert.
Then begins the annual farting contest among the males in the family.
After-dinner drinks include three kinds of moonshine and 100 proof eggnog.
Inevitably someone starts an argument about why the world has "gone to hell in a handbasket".
Followed by the latest gossip.
Finally, at the end of the night each person leaves with 15 lbs. of leftovers.
As you slip into a food coma, you think about how you cannot wait to do it all again next year.
Until the next morning that is.
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