Who Did What To Tom Brady's Balls?

The NFL has fumbled yet another delicate dilemma: Brady's deflated balls. So how about we conduct our own examination?

Perhaps Brady's balls were... Squeezed?

Getty Images Elsa

It'd take one heck of an effort to drain 2 lbs.

Gronk would definitely approve.

"Two pounds?! Whoa! That's next level, bro!"

Tom claims he doesn't want anyone rubbing his balls.

NBC

Not even mid-interview?

Maybe they were poked?

"Right...around... there."

Prodded?

bostonmagazine.com

Tee-hee. Wouldn't you like to know...

Hopefully not by this guy...

To be fair, there'd be no shortage of passion.

Manhandled by a teammate?

"Dude! That was live on TV! My MOTHER watches this stuff--!"

Misplaced?

USA TODAY Sports - Jake Roth

"You had one job! One job! Watch. My. BALLS!"

Neglected...?

"Damn. This is what it must feel like to play for the Cleveland Browns."

But let's cut Tom some slack. Maybe he is innocent.

Via giphy.com

"I'm in the clear! Yeah! High five! High five! High...five? Anyone?"

Free from all accusations!

Fox Sports

"Mr. Edelman? High f-five? No? That's OK."

"Low five...?"

That'd make Bill Belichick happy.

"It's the best day of my life. I am ecstatic. Gonna take the whole team to Disneyland."

"Er, so I'm innocent too, right?"

One thing is certain: Y'gotta protect your balls, Tom.

"There, there, my precious. Daddy's got you now. Everything's going to be just fine."

Especially when this guy comes looking for them...

RodMar/SI

"Oh, you're gonna be mad, bro. On Super Bowl Sunday? I'mma want all your balls. ALL OF THEM!"

Deflated balls or not, Super Bowl XLIX is close.

NBC / Via nbcstations.com

It's gonna be special.