5 Movies GUARANTEED To Ruin Date Night

Need to sabotage movie night with your way-too-normal date? One of these cinematic cockblockers will do the trick!

1. RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RICKY (Hong Kong, 1991)

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Locking up a martial arts maestro in a prison filled with ne'er-do-wells can mean only one thing: a balls-out banquet of ultra-violence!

Despite Story of Ricky's OTT action and gore, the devastatingly daft English dub manages to steal the whole show. Check out the trailer for glorious absurdity!

2. TOKYO GORE POLICE (Japan, 2008)

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Futuristic Tokyo: Not for pansies. Villainous mutants known as "engineers" spout freakish weaponry from bodily injuries, including heat-seeking missiles, crocodile jaws, and a (ahem) shotgun dong.

But the samurai-sword-wielding cop Ruka isn't one to stand for such nonsense—she's got a slaughtered father to avenge!

Bondage-draped quadriplegics walking on swords? It's fair to say that Tokyo Gore Police is as bonkers as a badger's bollocks.

3. NEKROMANTIK (West Germany, 1987)

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When a film's premise is best described as "a troubled young man brings home a rotting corpse to please his depraved girlfriend," it's clear that family-friendly fun is about as likely as Sloth from The Goonies becoming Kim Kardashian's next husband.

Put bluntly, Nekromantik is as unpleasant as anything you'll ever have the misfortune to see. The crude, low-budget filmmaking (if you can call it such a thing) actually contributes to the ghoulishness, while certain scenes beggar belief. Not least the diabolical finale...

Watch at your peril. Or better yet, avoid it completely.

4. EBOLA SYNDROME (Hong Kong, 1996)

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Oh, y'know, just another story about a wanted criminal who flees to South Africa, only to become infected with the Ebola virus.

A living carrier immune to the disease's wrath, the scoundrel soon infects his employers, kills them, and serves up their broiled remains—as personally hand-crafted burgers—to unsuspecting foodies. Seriously.

Hell-bent on breaking every taboo in the cinematic book, Ebola Syndrome is only slightly less horrifying than falling victim to the virus itself...

5. THE HAPPINESS OF THE KATAKURIS (Japan, 2001)

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Hurrah! A comedy! Well, sort of. Takashi Miike, a dedicated practitioner of all things outlandish, presents to us the Katakuri family's efforts to turn an old house near Mount Fuji into a tourist-friendly bed & breakfast. But as misfortune would have it, everyone who stays there ends up dead.

After careful deliberation, the family decides to bury the pesky stiffs in the back yard. Hey, deceased ex-guests are bad for business! From there we're treated to zombie musical numbers, bloodthirsty claymation, a karaoke sing-along, plus a mysterious U.S. naval officer claiming to be the nephew of Queen Elizabeth II.

Breathtakingly bizarre.