15 Things All Metalheads Will Appreciate

Death to all but metal.

1. If you can read the band logo it's not brutal enough.

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He who hath the eyes to see, let him prove it in the comments section.

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2. Black is the warmest color.

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3. Smiling is only acceptable during omens such as these.

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4. You'd rather listen to this cartoon band...

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...than any real-life artists on this list.

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5. You already know how this ends because you actually followed the case.

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Such is the rule of honor.

6. Arguing about genre labels is annoying.

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Having said that, this is not metal.

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7. Death metal/tech death albums are basically English courses...

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"However cleverly yet blatantly shrouded, to have perception and not care about it. Matching our cognition as a species, A.I. develops into a conscious being."

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"Welcome, you fool of blunder, insert rite of nether dreams. Sheep or leader, your worth equals filth. I grant illusions of purging flesh; no dog shall be spared."

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"Betwixt the furrows of senescent hands, blemishes remain etched to tell of myriad triumphs. Monoliths stand elevated to bear testament of grandeur, but - like flesh and all physical things - they will fade."

8. And the University of Heavy Metal also offers courses in...

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Introduction to Norse Mythology.

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Social Politics of the Gallic Wars.

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Military Strategy in the Byzantine Empire.

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Advanced Mathematics and Existentialism.

...just to name a few.

9. We don't always take ourselves so seriously.

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Pirate-folk-metal.

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Schwarzenegger-groove-thrash.

Schizophrenia-core.

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10. We have the hottest female artists.

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Cristina Scabbia - Lacuna Coil

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Marta Peterson - Bleeding Through

Same goes for the dudes.

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Brandan Schieppati - Bleeding Through

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Tuomas Holopainen - Nightwish

11. "Oh, so you listen to screamo?"

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12. You name-drop the list of pits you've been in like a wartime service record.

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"Yeah, I was in the wall of death during Heaven Shall Burn's set..."

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"Wacken '09...it was a bloodbath..."

13. Any time someone brings up djent.

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Or kvlt.

14. Metalhead or not - you can't deny this genre is overflowing with insanely talented and skilled artists.

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15. And the same goes for the fans.

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Party on, headbangers.

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